How I Tried To Live.....

2011-08-08T21:06:00.000-07:00

This time i'm actually proud to say..i'm back..stronger... I'm not gonna acknowledge myself the past month, cause i was so weak..so fragile..so NOT ME. Even if it's just a front, i am way better than that. Come on felines, try being bitchy to me now...you'll see what happen. Remember, there's always someone better than you out there, so there's definitely a better bitch out there! So just sit down & smile, you won't die by smiling... As i pick myself up, along they way, i manage to dig up secrets that ain't mine but will be of my concern as soon as one of my loves get hurts, cause that's when you actually wish that you were actually smart enough to treasure her. I ain't no love guru, nor love expert, i fell hard, really hard, nobody pick me up. I pick myself up. But i know when my girls get hurt, this time you'll get hurt too, cause i know who is your haters, and my oh mine...your haters love me!!! I'm giving you a chance here, but that ain't mean that you don't have to try hard to impress, cause here i am saying you better try twice as hard. I'll be nice.

In certain terms i'm pretty unsettled, but my mind is cleared. My heart is cleared. My emotions are balance.

I learnt things the hard way, the one way that i don't want any of my loves to go through as it's the worst ever... It's like i fell down into a well, & that only one that could save me is not on earth, the rest of my lifelines are just not in used somehow. Which is kinda hurting and super surprising, i guess i thought as much as i'll be there for people, they could one day just be there for me.

But i guess, at times what goes around does not come around...

It's okay at least my conscious is clear, i know i did my part...

I realised how harsh reality can be....

How i was ignorantly be used, but even when i knew i gave way...

All cause i wanna be there... All cause i don't want them to feel alone...

If you find me different, good, cause i prefer me now...

This time don't say i'm being harsh, take it as whatever you gave me, i'm returning it to you for real.

It's like how you wanna demand respect, you gotta first serve and earned that same kinda respect.

Life got onto me, life catch up to me,

As much as i don't wanna, at least i'll try to adapt.

I'll be no bitch if you stop behaving like one.

This time girl, i mean it. I really do.

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman.

Still waiting patiently...

2011-07-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

The truth, i'm really numb now... I've lost track of how many days you've been gone...till you'll be back. Sometimes i think to myself, am i deceiving myself, cause when i try to keep track of my own feelings i feel so much hurt... I never felt this hurt before... Cause i felt that we were true.. But i'm a a random moment when i feel that probably it's all in my own head... Or then i thought your actions prove otherwise.. maybe it's again all on my part.. the day when i saw you..the look in your eyes... when you told your mom that you wanted to see me... when you ask your bro to ask/remind if i did write to you... cause YOU were waiting... i don't know.. I'm putting so much hope till october..i'm trying to withstand time..and hopefully you'll cure me... or just let me break in to pieces, that i'll pick myself up. Now, i can't do anything...cause you ain;t here with me..i don't wanna judge..neither do i wanna let go that chance of our irritating relationship... Cause that's how much i care..

Knowing me, i would never let myself be so emotionally fragile..cause i would always protect myself..i never wanted to be weak..i never wanted to be that girl who got hurt and then refuse to love again.. Yes, probably i'm insecured.. But with you... i let all my emotions through, cause i just felt that it's right.. being with you felt right... Am i just a girl who manage to innocently fall in love with a guy? Is it meant to be? You tell me..? i'll wait till then...

the worst scenario would be..i'll probably crash and burn...but at least from there i'll pick myself up..

Now i'm hanging all by myself..taking in all my nonsense crap.. As much as i wanna pour my hearts out to someone... all i need is you... Therefore i'm keeping whatever to myself.. i guess you could roughly know how much pain and how much sorrows i'm in? Sound pretty drama? Oh well... you'll understand when the time comes...

you're the only one that i want...

Nur Hida Sulaiman signing off....

Can WE really withstand time please?

2011-06-29T06:04:00.000-07:00

At times, it really just sux to know that you're not here with me or for me! Times when i really just wanna scream or punch someone! Whether, it's me being overly-emotional or it's me being immature..i really miss you being here for me!! Life just ain't good without your presence here with me.

2011-06-20T14:37:00.000-07:00

Dear,

I don't know how to start...but i'm glad...i really am... i'm glad i'm able to see you today... Frankly i was only mentally prepared to like go with your brother... but with Mother? hmm... that's a lot to take in... As randomly the night before i went to see you, your bro told me to give mother a call, she wanted to talk to me about you... I PANICKED BIG TIME!!! But in the end...i called her... it was a short & sweet convo.. Somehow the only thing that calm me down, was when she said, "aLi pesan suroh ajak hida pergi skali..." *blushing* bluek! You're the sweetest to me!

So in the end you know that your bro overslept, so i end up with mother ALONE...but yeah...at least mother's nice..really nice.... The visit was funny...wasn't it? i felt so mentel..and i think you were kinda mentel too.. i mean...WE were like giggling and smiling but didn't really say anything!!! I can't keep my eyes off you definitely!!! Dear, but though we didn't say much to each other, you just gave me the assurance that you'll be back for me... you gave me the feeling that you're not gonna let me go no matter what.. though you did say, if i found someone better..blablabla..you'll let me go if i wanna... But something just gave me the feeling that you somehow rather me stay..and stay for good! But i knew for sure, though we didn't say much to each other... we somehow knew what was on each other's mind!! Frankly, i think i didn't talk much cause i fear that i may break down in front of you... and i don't wanna do that... and I knew YOU were acting strong too... We're just stubborn egoistic ass who refuse to reveal our true emotions! I felt sad too...cause i knew and you even said yourself that on the outer layer..you may be laughing/smiling but inside...?

Mother really misses you and loves you a lot ...Dear! I'm still wondering though...why is it that though i'm just beside mother...why you couldn't ask me straight if i would wanna come along on the next visit?! Why you had to tell mother..to remember to ask me ... hmm?!! But you're still cute...really cute! & i'm really am in love with you! I realise one thing...when i recalled anything about you..i'm just happy. Conclusion? I'm happily in love with you..so be nice to me! i'm already missing you.. Dear..when you tell me that you could probably end earlier..i was literally on cloud 9.. cause i want to be with you so bad... Dear, i probably should update you that mother was asking me if i actually knew the actual story...and all i said was that i ain't sure. Then she open up to me a little...and she broke down in front of me.. this time i didn't panick, cause i could understand how she felt..and she just needed to express herself out.. thank god, i controlled myself to be stronger for a little more while... though mother cried only for a while.. still... it was a shocking moment for me. OOh...yeah..i'm not sure if you noticed...but there was a few times...when mother wanted to leave the room so both of us can have our own private convo.. but i stop her from doing so... cause i knew i'll be speechless...cause if i talk..i'll probably get emotional and break down..and make you worry about me.. I don't want that... i don't want you worrying about me..all i want is you to keep your promise to me... I really want to be back in your arms... I'll only be sincerely happy and safe...when i'm back in your arms, and this time promise me you'll not leave me again ..please...

PS: I read the letter...that one sentence from you...is enough to make my eyes teary...but i still manage to controlled... but "i miss you" is enough to let me know that i cross your mind and somehow you still had me in your heart! :)

Missing you much, Loving you lots,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Day 28: My mind playing tricks with me...

2011-06-11T19:51:00.000-07:00

Dear,

Can imagine you nagging at me now.. Okay, i know i said i will take my meds, but somehow i tend to forget... you know how forgetful i can be right... heh, i am taking my medicines but only when i tend to feel the pain in my throat... It's so weird how COKE can actually feel so acidic down my throat.. haizz.. My weekend...weekend...it's has and somehow will always be a lazy weekend. I've been having weird dreams lately, but i think probably i've been thinking of you too much when i'm home...then somehow when i fall asleep...my mind plays trick on me via my dreams. My posts is getting shorter? I know... I used to go through every single part of the day... thinking of you and wanting to tell you so much that i grew tired... i grew tired of NOT being able to tell you... NOT able to get a response.. NOT able to turn to you for advise... So basically, if i could i'll just go through the day as per normal try as hard as to keep you out of my mind, even though i miss you. Things that i feel as if i'm keeping to myself... cause nobody cares, and it's okay...i don't need pretentious concern from anyone no more, as much as i'm only 1/2 alive, i'll be strong for myself. Remember how once you'll tell me, that life is harsh.. probably i've not been through much, but in terms of relations...friends..i think i probably i know better. Reality did catch up on me i guess.. maybe i've not gone through any major mountain yet... but probably the relations that means the most to me...the relation whom i'm able to be there for them..are not able to do the same. Which is why i dared to say, i 'm strong but only 1/2 alive. Due to my off yesterday (Saturday) i realise how much work has actually kept me distracted and takes up my time in a good way... Next saturday will be my off too.. i probably should come up with something, even if it's a solo activity. I'm a saggitarius, probably the weakest one ever, i'm not able to be left alone and not do anything, as i would seriously have a mental breakdown and be emotionally disturb. I....frankly i think probably i been torturing myself too... As much as even Mummy reminds me to take my meds if not i'll end up going for OP like my bros..and it will also reduce the risk of me having frequent headaches and fever that i'm having.. i've been avoiding meds, feeding myself, with chocs, sweets and spice.. then take a nap when i feel feverish..and be really grumpy when i've a bad headache. Even at work, i would still feel feverish and have frequent headaches. Basically i just want to let you know, no matter how good a facade i can put up, i'm not happy... i really am not. I forgot how is it to have happy laughters naturally...

My friends are eager to meet you somehow, but i told them you're too busy with life to even meet me.... how would you set the time to meet them...

One even told me, to take care of myself, if not YOU will be worried and probably get angry too if i don't.... She just randomly said that to me.. Well, Mr Fadli...are YOU UPSET? ARE YOU ANGRY? Well, i'm ready anytime to hear you lecturing me.

Life goes whatever to me now,

Nur Hida Sulaiman, One who's ONLY 1/2 ALIVE.

Day 25: Will you keep your promise? Stick with me will you?

2011-06-09T05:55:00.000-07:00

Dear,

I wasn't well today, throat inflammation, probably my tonsils issues, it's leading me on a roller coaster fever ride and headaches. I only took 1 day MC though, as much as i'm tempted to take 2... i didn't wanna, cause Saturday i won't be working, i've enough free time to rest or whatsoever. Remember i told i had pax issues? So as i though it was solved, it was not... she didn't like the acc that she got... I hope it's been solved, after some time i'm trying to start afresh without your presence, and now when this issue came up, i just start missing you all over again. Now it's twice as hard to pick myself back up, be stronger and start anew. I know i'm bound to make mistakes at work, but i don't really like it, when i'm trying to solve the issue but pax leaves me hanging. Like how you leave me hanging now... I'm sorry i didn't mean to rub it in, but i really just wanna run to your arms now! Only your hugs are comforting to me... I realized how the rest can only numb me or actually in fact how i'm so pretentiously happy with them playing along with them, when all i want to do is punch someone/somethings, cry my heart out, scream my lungs out and get some major distractions that will take up my time & lessen my thoughts of you. But still i should let you know, at the end of the day, all i wanna be..is to be in your arms again. I'm so numb right now. Dear, i really can be strong enough to be with my friends when i need them, but i'm actually thinking is there anyone who's actually stronger than me and still be able to understand me. It's a sad truth. Well, i still love all my friends. But ya.. i was born in this world alone.. i probably should start adapting till you're back to take care of me... that is IF you still got the intentions to do so. I really want you back, i forgot how happiness taste likes, how comforting and safe it was just to be in your arms. Even as days goes by, surprise Dear? This saggitarius is still madly in love with you!!! Even though, cute guys comes and goes, they only manage to get 30 secs of my attentions, other than that it's all back to you and only you. I'm patient for you.. Are you patient there too? OOh..in case...i'm going to start taking my meds...i fear my tonsils getting worse and then end up i've to go for surgery or whatsoever... and i want to take care of myself too...

I wanna be yours as much as you want to be mine.

Loving & Missing You Always,

Nur Hida Sulaiman.

Day 24: I miss your loving... Times when i really need your warmth...

2011-06-08T07:03:00.000-07:00

Dear,

Monday, i had pax issues, i quoted the wrong airfare... i didn't panick, but i got stress out or i felt so stress until a solution was reached.. All i wanted was your nagging at me for daydreaming..and then telling me things will be fine.. At that time all i needed was your advice and encouragement.. But nothing new right? you ain't here... Dear, i don't know...at times..i really block you out of my mind, cause i don't wanna keep missing you 24/7 and then pretend to be all happy.. I'm so tired of pretending, i need a break.. But anyway, don't worry, my pax problem is solved. Probably pax coming down tomorrow to collect the hotel voucher... I miss your loving a lot... Will you be back soon please? take my words for real, when i say i'm going crazy..i really am.. I apologised if as days goes by, my posts gets shorter...cause i manage to make myself so shagged, that i'm just too tired to think/do anything, unless i've plans..thatn i'll be fine..if i'm heading home straight, it's better if i'm shagged. Dear, the usual i went to OG for lunch, there was fish head!!! I was okay at first..until the mak cik ask me... "mane partner awak? tak nak makan kepala ikan?" Do you know how much i wanted to just shut up and walk away, but i pretended to be fine... It's all pretend now.. I need news from you Dear, frankly i'm just worried... Are you fine there? Are you thinking of me? Don't miss me but keep loving me..

I miss your warmth and love,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Day 21: I miss you taking care of my meals...

2011-06-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

Dear,

I'm missing you a lot these days, in fact i miss you more and more as days goes by... I miss being happy, i miss being sooo happy with you!!! Today's sunday, it was a lazy day for me, but still went out with Mummy Rango and her BFF, yes Dear, it's 3 pax again... and we did go home late today, think we only reach home at about 9 plus... Can imagine you to keep texting me asking our wherebouts, and what time we intend to go home.. Miss you being worried when i'm out without you, miss your jealousy over me... bluek! Anyway..only went to J8 and then we proceed to Suntec, i kinda shop... though it's just sale... but yea...i tink i bought about 3 new tops & 3 new dresses... heh... err ya... whee?! i was able to distract myself to not think about anything or anyone or even you just by looking @ clothes...trying stuffs on... i think i probably i'm able to get used to shop alone..but not go out alone.. So probably, i'll bring someone to keep me company..then when i enter a shop..i'll abandon them? But then again i don;t like being alone... Though now it's pretty the same..unless i'm home at my own corner...i can be 120% myself...not to have to pretend anymore... smiling here and there...taking it's all fine. I gotta admit though these past few days i'm so tempted to light back a cigarette, but i decided not to.. i don;t wanna. Oh ya..Dear! Forgot to tell you, yesterday my lil cuz shared with me an interesting convo she had with Mummy Rango.. Mummy Rango said "now that ida working ready, nvm..she can have BF...that time sch i said cannot cause i want her to focus on studies, now she work ready, up to her..." i was kinda relieve and glad to find out, how i wish i could give you a call and just say HOORAY! haha, but you ain't here... I wonder if your proposal is ready though? As in NOT marriage proposal but probably your formal presentation first maybe? I'm pretty random and forgetful at times, but i think last week...Cind ask me this question... oh my..i'm SHY! But anyway she asked me...'what IF once you're back to claim me and no longer leave me alone, and YOU decide to PROPOSE to ME? What will my answer be? I'm curious too.. YOU want to know? Claim me back and find out? bluek! But i think you know me best Dear... "i know you want me..you know i want cha!!" then again..like i say..you know roughly what's my plan... YOU still WANT ME right..? Hehe, i don't know what HE has in hold for us, but insyallah we'll find out in time to come. I'm loving you tonight and the rest of the nights...

Your warmth is my addiction,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Day 20: I've lost track of time... i'm holding on to faith and hope..

2011-06-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

Berikan cintamu juga sayangmu
Percaya padaku ku kan menjagamu
Hingga waktu menjemputku

Ku berikan cintaku juga sayangku
Percaya padaku ku kan menjagamu
Hingga waktu menjemputku
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/u/ungu/percaya_padaku.html ]
Saat ku tahu kau akan pergi jauh
Izinkan aku tuk selalu menantimu
Untuk katakan ku ingin dirimu (ingin dirimu)

Agar kau tahu betapa ku terlalu
Mencintaimu aku akan menunggu
Hingga dirimu kembali untukku

Dear,

Can i really trust you to come back? Am i holding on to false hope? I'm not losing faith, it's just that being human, i'll always wonder if i would ever get the ending that i/we want. Or have i been fooled and just expects a miracle... You're stuck in my mind, and my heart always craves for your warmth, it's been really cold lately. I know i didn't update for two days, i tried so hard to fill my days, i really do, cause instead of thinking of you...99.9% of the time, i want to try to cut it down to maybe like 75%, i don't know.. i'm really just wondering if you feel the same, and probably you're wondering too what's on my mind and in my heart, cause for now there's simply no way to let each other know how we really feel. Traces of you is simply conquering my mind, i would always keep you in mind... On friday...i went for a MOVIE DATE with...my..BRO!!! Hehe, i watch Kung Fu Panda with him, ABG wanted to go out for dinner, but told him i can't, and when i told him why..he didn't believe me when i say i'm meeting my bro for dinner.. There's one things he said which i'm not agreeable to though, and in fact, i felt stupid cause i do not know at all of your well-being and at times i admit i do doubt if i ever cross your mind. As time goes, paranoia plays around with my emotions. He said to me, "adik, move on adik, move on sudah..it's not a short duration..." As much as i know it's a long duration, as much as i want to get rid of missing somebody so much, instead of acting 120% strong, when i'm actually only 60% strong, as much as i refuse to answer anybody's questions about you, as much as i want to spill to my gfS & bfS about you, as much as i want to share the happy times i had with you, as much as i want you back, as much as i want to move on in fact... i always thought of the "WHAT IFs", in both a positive and negative way. One thing for sure, if you happen to NOT want me anymore, YES i'll be hurt, but i know for sure, i probably just roll around for a while and then MOVE ON, cause i know how i should NOT to keep someone in mind if he does not treasure me... But if you all this while had the INTENTION to CLAIM ME back and yet i didn't wait, i know how much i'll regret, i know how i'll break into a million pieces. But i guess a huge part of me just want to know how are you and have i ever cross your mind.. Cause i feel as if i'm doing this on my own... it takes 2 hands to clap right? Again probably you're suffering more than me, i'm sorry i i ever doubt you.. again..it's paranoia... Remember how you'll always told me, that it's better to hear things from each other mouth personally, then to hear from others, it's better if we would just be straight with each other about what we feel and keeps NO secrets. Conclusion, the usual, i'm a MESS and i watch Kung Fu Panda 2 with my bro.

Dear, alhamdullilah, i close one Bkk-Pattaya yesterday, i was clear about things, then as more questions being asked, i got the answers... but as more in depth question being asked, even google didn't help.. For a simple transaction a lot of clarification and and doubts had to be answered and cleared. I still have pax queries to answer, i still have two potential clients emails which i've not answered also... Conlusion i spent 1 whole day yesterday, cracking my head, finding answers for 1 Bkk-Pattaya transaction. My athena was a mess as in the remarks..etc...got really weird request.. Then after work, i was a happy girl again, met my mummy, uncle and cuz for dinner. Had dinner at Mad Jack over at town, the whole way reminded me again of YOU, cause i remembered that's where we walk when we went over to REX for the first time with abang.., I had lamb chop and AGAIN i recalled how YOU reminded me to eat with my RIGHT hand.. :P After dinner head to somerset, to walk around..and we just had to be cineleisure, out LAST DINNER DATE & OUR FIRST NEOPRINT, was there...bluek! I feel so dramatic at times... i bought really cheapo earrings at the shoe right outside Pastamania, and then i head up, to buy a VANS shoes, i was tempted to get another pair of heels & bags, but then again i was not in the mood. I'm going NUTS.

At times i feel as if i tried too hard, to just show people that i'm fine & happy, as much as i miss you, i ain't depress. But i don't need people to worry about me, but it will be best if YOU worry about me as that proves i've cross your mind.

ALL I WANT IS YOUR HUGS AND JUST BEING YOURS,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Day 17: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU!

2011-06-02T06:25:00.000-07:00

Dear,

I think you will be glad to know that i went home straight after work today!!!! Hehe, think abang wanted to go somewhere...but i said i'm too sleepy..which i really am..was hard to keep my eyes open at work just now. So in the end abang went to meet his gf at tamp! HeHE, ABANG is in love!! ooh... Okay, my fault for going out the past few days and not getting my rest..which is why i'm home early today..to have my adequate rest! Dear, i love you so much noe! You're so cuteee! I was in a rush today, and as usual..hehe..my $$ all over the place...then i wanted to arrange all back in my wallet...and POP...your picture out from my wallet..i was laughing and smiling to myself...you made my day! Even though i'm tired..i still manage to smile through the day! Dear, baby move table ready..i'm over at unit #27 now... someone else is sitting at your place... hmm..jealous? maybe..just a lil..but i still own your heart! so bluek! Dear...baby take your panda ready! hehe...sorry...but the panda cute! I MISS YOU! Ooh..btw...just now your sayang D...ask me..whether i got go see you..even abg ask me..i dont know what to say seh.. then abang was like..."whether you want to go or not..all up to you.." me blue seh Dear...don't know what to say/do... Seems like your syg D knows about us..the way he ask me like soo one kind... But anyway..i miss you! ARE YOU MISSING ME?! i know you miss me..takmo shy! I miss your hugs... i miss someone nagging at me for not keeping my $ properly, miss someone to nag at me to have enough rest, miss someone to keep track of where i am and who i'm with...miss someone feeding me my lunch/meals..miss someone who would would always make me smile...miss having someone to really protect me...miss someone who randomly will massage my shoulder...miss someone..who just would love me so much that at times i'm tempted to just stay the whole day with him! I miss someone's theories on life... i miss someone..who gives me advice..i miss someone who pampers me... i miss you hugging me so tight and refuse to let me go...i miss you telling me that you love me, i miss you telling me that you won't let me go... i miss you reminding me that if it was not for situation we'll probably have our own happy ending. I miss your LOVE Dear,

XOXO,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Day 16: What am i suppose to say...

2011-06-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

It's actually DAY 17, but its only like 1226 am...

Dear,

I just got home...it's past midnight... i can literally imagine..you telling me to go sleep straight, reminding me that i have to wake up early, and you don't want to be too tired at work...you wanna see me fresh! My bad... Dear, i met my friends today, i miss them so much, it feels weird..as though it just has been that long..but i'm happy. But... they're asking about you... what am i suppose to say? One is even getting excited of meeting you... random right? But yeah...Dear...i really don't know what to do now...i really wish by any means just tell me what to do... I know you trust me...i know you will want me to decide for myself what to do... Whether, it's with regards to work or personal life, you've always been advising me.. Why is that though we've spent such a short time together, we just seem to have that much issues/memories...at least for me.. i'm able to fill you in on the details on what's the usual you would say to me... You've became a habit which i do not want to change..cause you ain't bad. I'm putting a really strong act now...and i really hope it won't be broken anytime soon...cause if it does..it will take twice the time to recover...and the process really hurts... & surprise-surprise Dear, while waiting for my gfs to reach..i actually walk around on my own...and bought bags..for me and mummy rango! i miss shopping with you... miss seeing you go nuts...and so bossy with me...to make sure that you get your stuffs first. Shirl is probably coming back tmr, which means i probably have to change table..so the only empty space left...is your table..so..ya... but the office...the environment... oh my...i don't know if i'm prepared...or actually am strong enough.. Hmm..i think for my own good, i should be probably head to sleep now..or at least try..been having too much late nights past few days.. Everyday i'm hoping for news, pondering if you're fine.

A brave front is all i have,

Nur Hida Sulaiman.

Day 15: I feel so lost, i miss your wise words to me...

2011-05-31T07:03:00.000-07:00

Note to Myself:

- Why is it that you're so cool with having just being nice and all smiley around people? How can you do that when you no you're not okay?!

- People will then expect to always see you the smiley & happy girl.-

- I've still to be strong no matter how much i complaint or rant about the things that is going on.

- I'm just being immature now, so seriously..to myself..PLEASE grow UP.

- I should learn how to stand on my own 2 feet,

- No matter how harsh reality is, i gotta just face the music.

Dear,

I'm probably just acting immature now, i need your advice... i'm just simply unhappy with work, probably just unhappy that i have to work 6 days a week, if sales target is not hit. Probably if you're still around, i won't be so upset, cause i'll bet you knock lots of senses into me. I feel like getting another job, many telling me to try stay for a while, get the experience then run away. Even though i'm so tempted...i always keep in mind..at least a year...no matter what a year... You will always have a way...to made me treasure what i have and make good of whatever i have before i get something better. I don't know... but all i know, you'll be able to make me feel much more better... Dear, i've not gotten your cheque yet...Mdm N..hasn't prepared yet? i don't know.. i just feel like it's a sucky tuesday. Btw, just to let you know..you have "Team 110" to keep an eye on me... to make sure that i behave and not looking/making friends with any other Tom, Dick or Harry... Though it's only...Cind who's the president and VIP membership of the club... bluek! I wonder, are you that lovable & popular @ AE..hmm.... i've lots of things on my mind, it's getting really heavy.. i'll be fine.. As long as i'm not alone i'll be fine... Can i be frank with you? I actually do not have the appetite for meals..or i refuse to eat at all...at the most i'll just have something to provide me the energy that will last me for the day... but to stop people from thinking that i'm not okay, and let them know that i'm fine..and normal..i just stuff whatever i could... most times...i would really feel like vomitting all back out.. I miss you feeding me, reminding me to finish my food, and then act all fierce on me..so i'll give in and finish my food. Have i cross your mind today? i hope i did... i miss your pampering... i'm not allowing anyone besides my gf/family to pamper me... One more thing, you'll probably be mad...after work i didn't go home straight, just needed to calm my mind down..so i went NP alone..walk around alone...mPhosis was having sale..so i took a look around alone... just me, myself & i.. i know you don't like me to hang around alone..but i got home by 9? I seriously don't like to be alone..but i just feel like i need to just walk around... and Dear, there was a mini make-up sale! Remember how when we're at taka... you purposely make me walk pass those cosmetics shop..and i will be trying to avoid eye contact at all cost... and you were trying to pull me in... hmm.. I think i'm missing you too much... at least time is passing right. I just want to be near to you, or for now..i just want to be near your heart & soul, therefore please keep me close.

Thoughts of you fills my soul,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Day 14, all better & safer with you...

2011-05-30T08:41:00.000-07:00

Dear,

Work was so dull today, i'm not sure if it's due to the fact that i was early and i had nothing to do.. but in the end..once after lunch..time pass.. Had lunch..with M...think when it's lunch time..i would call it my "speedo lunch" not sure if it;s due to the lack of topics to talk about... or maybe i'm just being boring... but i finish my meal in 8minutes...just gobbled everything down. When it was lunch with you, time would pass so fast... in fact..everytime when we're together..time will pass us fast...within a blink of an eye..it's another day. I was kinda like...reading through our convoS AGAIN...and AGAIN..i was smiling and giggling to myself... C notice..and she was like..."Eh...what you doing ar?! the last time you smiled like that was when you talking to 110 ar!! who's that you texting?!" Have i not been smiling enough..or just that when i recall memories of us..my smile is different... but in the end..i admit to C that i wasn't texting anyone...was just reading through our past convos. So emo right? Maybe...but memories of us will remain in my heart... Look at the time now..its midnight..i bet you'll be nagging at me right now..if you're here... i think you'll be mad at me..for being home so late! i reach home at about 11, met my gfS @ vivo just now... again..traces of you there...especially zara! Remember..how even when it comes to shopping i'm still your "PA" i had to pick for you, wait for you to try on...and i can't even wander around to look at the ladies section..i had to wait for you to finish trying...till you're done then you'll let me go... You said...settle yours first..then go wandering looking at mine. Hmm..you end up with more shopping bags than me! You're MY pretty boy..therefore it's understandable. I remember how at times..when i pick something..you'll be like.."woah..." just cause too much skin will be shown... and then you'll start saying, "when you're with me then you can wear like that....if not..cover up!" Which reminds me..i bet if you're here today...you'll tell me to wear my blazer and button up! You're so protective at times... but it's aite.. i'm loving it! But who's protecting who now?! I'm basically miss independent now... Dear...i think probably..i'll collect your cheque tmr..and then deposit into your account and then i'll update your bro to inform mother. I may live in my own fantasy world now... but it's probably cause i don't want to assume things on my own... we'll see when the time comes... i do hope for a happy ending...but as much as i can't force things... if you decide..that it wont be the happy ending in my head now..i think i'll be crush..but i'll move on..but for sure...what we had will always stick as a tatoo in my heart. But again i hope for the best...and insyallah..we'll be back together right? Dear, another random issue...with regards to work, there's this new policy when if sales target is not hit...your saturdayS off will be forfeited. So basically if target not hit you work 6 days a week, much is pretty unhappy about it... even mummy telling me to get another better job... cause the sat...wont even be counted as overtime pay or whatsoever. But cause i made a deal with you... 1 year it shall be..i'll be strong and i'll work harder...even if it means working 6days a week... it's okay..at least my time is occupied right? i'm fine...i'm still able to drag myself out of bed..and prepare for work... i wish you were here to advise me... or console me... i know you'll be able to push me for the better and even motivate me...even though i act/respond like i'm lazy and couldn't care less... you'll still push me to work better... shall i say..i miss your wise words/sayings? bluek! i always complain when you nag at me.. but now i miss the nagging. hmm...Dear...i hope you're doing good now... a year will pass fast... at least that;s what people told me..and i'm trying my very best to prove it... till then..you better take good care of yourself please. Behave kay?! Gd boy! Xoxo...! Love you Dear!

Missing you much,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Day 13 - What we had flowed back to me so naturally...

2011-05-29T04:30:00.000-07:00

Dear,

This will be totally random, and i think it's a bit cheeky, prasan, shiok-sendiri of me... I'm like in my own wonderland... Today, i followed mummy rango go wedding..as usual.. then the wedding happen to take place at a Community Centre... & guess what naturally pops into my mind? The random convo we had on May 15, the day before you left...and you were sending me home...and we were discussing about a really really random topic... Remember? You randomly said you wonder how's your wedding will be? You were wondering how many people will attend...how many of your bike clan will be there... and then if your clan were making too much noise..how your family of police officers will settle the issue with a snap of the finger in case there was any complaint made... and we were guessing the amount of guests that we have to invite...and you were like no..not much people... and then you turn the topic to me..saying that..bet i will have more guests...due to the fact that i'm the only girl in the family! I then remind you..that you're the oldest son!! bluek! You came up with a simple solution and that it to hold your wedding at a community centre and i went rambling of how small a community centre would be... okay..i feel shy...here i am in my own wonderland in my own world of imaginations..and yet i'm expressing it all out here...but i remembered how long that convo last... i think i got too shy or too excited or in fact too scared... that i concluded..it's still too far away for me...savings hasnt even started yet.. wanted to save so much for school..but have not done so... lol! You were then nagging at me..to start saving..even if it;s $100/mth..better than nothing..in a yr..i'll still get 1 k...after that you started telling me again..to take care of myself..and make sure that i behave.. bla bla bla...bluek! But i am behaving kay.. Wondering if you are..? hmm.. oh ya! Forgot to tell you one thing..yesterday me work right...then s-jiejie oso came..and her bf was waiting for her! hehe..i smiled & laugh to myself! so yea! You're all mine now! bluek! minus 1 admirer for you kay! It's another work day for me, tomorrow, i've been having better sleep...i was able to be able to be tired enough to not think of anything...and just doze off. The usual, i miss you, i miss you taking care of me..& pampering me and paying extra attention to me,,,randomly even though ain't hungry, i'm having maggi cup now...recalled how you will prepare it for me..& keep reminding me that it's hot...when you saw my piggy face...and how hungry i look.. bluek! Conlusion: everything i do everywhere i go..got traces and memories of you. bluek! But i still think at least you'll be glad to know that i'm behaving okay...! Dear, it's abang's birthday tmr! He's taking leave till tuesday though, hmm...i don;t know what to get/prepare for him.. but i guess i'll figure something out. Okay, i've been googling..i don't know what;s wrong with me..but i think you're be able to be back by feb right? or end of this year...i tink feb though? but if it;s end of this yr i'll be more than ECSTATIC!!! But that is if you;ve been behaving...if not.. i don;t know..i don;t want to give myself false hopes niway... though i really wonder if you will actually be back for me...i'll keep pondering and i guess i will only know when the time comes... take care please.

i realised a ___ truth today. habit is back. remember..please..remember..

at times, i feel as if i laid myself out on the chopping board for yall to happily chop me up into pieces... a few whom i need to be there for, i will. i realised and learn who is who actually.

A reminder...not to be taken for granted.

Missing your hugs as usual,

Nur Hida Sulaiman.

Day 12: No, you don't know how i feel or how much i miss you now.

2011-05-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

Dear,

I miss your company, i really do... I went to work today, i didn't had much to do, so i read through our previous convos, and i smiled to myself.. i miss you telling me to take care of myself, have enough sleep, get up early for work... and not staying out too late... When i'm down or sad, you'll get work up and you will expect me to tell you, which i would, cause i don't wanna ever keep anything from you. I went for early lunch today with your ms C (your admirer), & she ask me where you go? All i said was that you're on long leave... then she ask me again..so he's coming back...? and i just nod in agreement.. then randomly she say.. "he's getting married ar...? long leave..." my jaw drop..and obviously i said NO! the least you could do before you got married is give me a warmth hug right! Okie....no..Dear, don't dump me..pls. i need you more than ever. Ppl over @ AE will randomly come asking me..where you..when you will be back? I'm keeping strong as a facade...in office..i can smile and laugh as usual.. But do you know how i am inside? I'm fine on my own, but i'll be better with you... You're the one who i can just randomly rant to anytime i want. You're the only one i want to be dependent on.. allow me to do so please.. till you're back or till you decide to actually consider and remember to claim me back.. i'm on my own. Literally on my own. I want to go out, i want to have fun & every single time i remind myself, how it would be nice to have you beside me, looking out for me..taking care of me no matter how clumsy i am..i'll still be able to count on you to pull me back up. I need you so much. I've stop the tears from flowing, my heart is stoned/numb...but it's so numb that it actually hurts more than ever. I wonder if you're thinking/missing me too.. I need to know what you're up to now... please.. i don't know how to put it in words, but it'll just be better if you'll be back soon... i'm waiting and crave to be back into your arms please... For now, you take care please.

Times when you realise, only you understand yourself..

When you want to put into words, nobody lays the board out..

So i'm keeping my scrabble letters to myself.

I'll be strong even if it's just for my own sake.

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Day 11, Missing you much? Missing you lots!

2011-05-27T08:39:00.000-07:00

Dear,

How weird is it when from monday to thursday i look so forward to friday, but when it's finally friday..i feel so down instead. I MISS YOU!!! I miss you bringing me out, anywhere i want to go, you'll bring me & you said you'll do anything and go anywhere with me and for me... You'll never leave me bored, you'll keep me company and then send me home... Even though i didn't manage to always entertain you when you are bored, you'll always entertain me... you'll try to cheer me up... even if it's just going for dinner after work...i love it so much cause i have you as my company. I wanna watch a movie so bad, but you're not here to bring me out, you're not here to bring me to shop, you're not here to drag me along with you to shop... you're not here to have my meals with me. Speaking of meals, now when i have company around me i'll just stuff whatever to fill my stomach, but when i'm alone i don't think i'll do the same. You get what i mean? I miss you checking on me when i'm out... even when i'm out with mummy, you'll still check on me...asking me why i'm not home yet...where am i exactly...who am i with...even when it's not even 8, you'll still check on me asking me why i'm not home yet... I miss you continuously texting me asking me why i'm not replying....i miss you so much. Remember how we say we as Saggitarius has this stubborn or kinda cool personality, where we won't be obsessive over our partner...but somehow..we got so obsessive and possessive with each other, when i went home alone...you told me to zip up my jacket and make sure that i go home straight, when i'm out with my mum to cwp, you say there got many-many the same race..then later people will smile-smile and look at me... i don't mind reporting to you...letting you know where i'm going or where i've been and who i am with... I'll get jealous over the ladies surrounding you... especially those that purposely gets close to you... We used to play that jealousy game so much that it reaches the point when i got really upset... But you'll always give me your attention... I really miss your company... I'm so dependent on you. Besides you, i don't know else to turn to... Abang's birthday is on Monday... i ready told him yesterday then i'm meeting my friend today... then he step-majuk and say "i don't care..my birthday you follow me go out! i wana go drink..." i think you can imagine the way he talk... felt bad though..usually..this time of mth..especially on fridays..we'll always go out with abang...go eat.... Dear, you'll be happy to know that indirectly even abang is looking out for me on your behalf! Before i met my friend..he told me to cover up..and zip up my jacket...Cinderella is keeping an eye on me too! She won't let me stare or look at any cute guys for too long..she'll turn to me..and say.."hey! i tell 110 ar...!" Dear....AE loves you lots...you've wonderful colleagues... Dear, i've kinda sort my thoughts out for now.. i think i'll stay at AE for max 2 years..then probably after that i may intend to turn to the hotel line. I told Cind that probably if god willings...insyallah when you;re back..a few mths after..i'll be leaving AE soon after that.. i really wish you could hear my thoughts out now..and tell me and give me words of encouragement. You;re the only one who went all out for me...giving me the attention that i need...

i'm down...i'm trying to fill my days up especially the wk-ends... but it's so difficult to get company.. thinking if a new activity would help. i need a talk...i just nd someone who'll listen and then flush out whatever emo thoughts i've said out.... led me thinking have i been a good company/listening ear to anyone... or wasn't i not good/sincere enough that i'm not able to get the same company... i'm done. i ain't forcing... even if the world turns their back on me... i still gotta keep myself happy..even if everything is just a facade... The part where i hate most about me...i can;t be alone..or left alone..i hate the sucky feeling.

keeping myself on track..no matter what i still have to be strong when my friends need me.. i need them to cheer up..before i could. I really know how you feel now..i really...reallly do..

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Day 9, how are you?

2011-05-26T05:52:00.000-07:00

Dear,

How are you? I'm still alive...i'm not weak, neither am i strong, but good enough to live on...Didn't do much at work today, transferred calls as usual..mostly were enquring about Hong Kong & Vietnam.. i can't do any of the above..at least not yet?I feel so *%#*, cause i don't know how are you now...when exactly you will be returning etc... S-jiejie, came and ask me when you will be back, and all i could say was.."in a year's time?" then she was like.."are you suree..not earlier..should be end of this yr what..."... what was i suppose to say... i really have no idea. I want to know when you will return too.. but till now no news. I don't want to be that irritating lady who keeps interrupting your bro everyday expecting a new update. But anyway S-jiejie was like..when you're back...WE go makan...together with you and a bunch of AE colleagues too.. I don't know why but i felt so touch and so sweet of her..planning a year in advance? But then it remind me again, of how little i know what's going on with you now... Ms Cinderella heard our convo..and she was like.."yea!!...ask me along also...i wanna see you both reunite...!" Which led me thinking and wondering..that would be really nice... but then again..will you remember to claim me back? All i told her was that...that will be in a year's time... if god willings - insyallah we will be back together... I want that happy ending..will you be with me in that happy ending? I'm staying at AE... used to be just because of you...but now for my own sake i want to stay and learn too.. I hope i'll stay in your heart and mind...

Missing you much Dear...xoxo!

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

I'm living with a cold heart...

2011-05-25T06:45:00.000-07:00

Dear,

I'm only updating this blog, writing this blog, cause you ain't here to listen to my rambling. So, i'm just pretending you're actually here to listen but not being able to persuade and console me. I went lunch with Maryan & Cally today...surprise? Yeah...we went to the coffeshop behind OG...as usual i went to the malay stall... and guess..what...the mak cik...asked why i only order 1 plate of rice instead of 2... it's a simple question..but guess how emotional i got about it? I leave it to your guess... but it was till the extend...every bite i took was force down my own throat...i didn;t wanna talk..so i just gobbled up when i sat back with M & C... and they did asked me about YOU...and all i could say was that you're on a lonnnnngggg leave, and you won't be coming back any time soon. I felt really bad today...as i feel as if i took Z's customer away... i don;t know... but it doesn't matter..you're not here to advice me.... that's how sucky i feel.. There's so much i want you to clarify with me ...but you just ain't there to do so.. i'm doubting myself..i really...am... i remembered you told me on the 16..that you left home in such a rush..that you forgot to bring lots of things...but you brought at least you brought your passport..and in your passport cover..had our neoprints... I was so glad..you brought them...and it's leaving me thinking and hoping that you'll actually return for me... But i want to know now for sure..due to recent events... i need facts from you. It's day 9, only 356 days left. I'm now doubting you, but i just want to know for sure you'll return... Did you sign up for me my GTA even though i've not started/learn how to use it yet, cause you cared and wanted to lessen my burden..or get me prepared or whatsoever... Did you actually got me the insurance pillow..cause i reminded you of that promise..or you just wanted to do it for the sake of doing it... Why did u pass me your notebook? Just so after carrying and settling you last deals...you leave the details inside... The feeling really sux right now...really does... i remembered most things you said.. i behave myself...i took care of myself..even thought it's only a meal a day...be thankful that i'm still strong... what else you want from me? You ain't here to take care of me..you ain't here to feed me, you ain't here to nag at me, you ain't here to advise me, you ain't here to console me, you just ain't here. I know probably i'm not considering how you feel now... i apologise for that...but i'm not able to shower you with my love and vice versa..so all i know how to do..is complain.... Forgive me, i didn't do it with any ill intentions. PS: Dear, this is really random, but i got this CNX customer..the one i was so worried about..cause he wanted a bargain price..is actually nice..and after he collect hotel voucher...he still can ask me sincerely whether i want anything from there..any souvenirs...etc... He's there now..will be back by end of this week i think? i hope he had a smooth trip there...

Dear, nothing new..but i miss you...i'll miss you everyday in fact... i'm not getting news from your bro yet..so hopefully insya-allah..he'll get back to me... Even if it's just you telling me to be strong...it will last me..yes i'll be greedy for more...but at the end of the day..i'm back to thinking of you. Oooh...ya..by now you notice that we got our name cards ready right? Guess who ABG gave his first name card too..? S-JIEJIE!!! Random right..but yea... i gave mine to mummy..jakun! haha..but my jakun lasted only 10secs.. i thought if they prepared yours..i wanted to steal a few...but they didn't :(. Your seat is still empty... as much as i'm worried they move me again... as much as i adore..you..i literally do not want to get your seat in that office..i don't know how i'll survive... it's like a dog eat dog world in that office.. i maybe exaggerating...but yea! Today...i had last min customer...then when i doing Athena..i was so sleepy..can't think... Cinderella was staring at me..my quotation was right..just that...i was so slow in doing things..she was poking me and telling..me "don't tell me you forget ar..." which i kinda did...oopsy...haha...i tink everyday must get customer then i'll get used to doing Athena..probably i'm putting so much pressure on myself cause i know it's a LIVE system..so i rather have eyes watching my booking..NOT ME..but my booking... even after the customer left...and handing up the invoice etc...i was still staring at the athena booking... staring at it...and just staring at it... but alhamdullilah..it was a smooth process..i think! Only gotta wait for hotel confirmation.

I may be at my weakest moment now, but i'm still trying to make amends... but me giving in does not mean i'll bow to you...got it?

I've a heart that's literally frozen...and only entry to family & friends.

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

I wanna play fair..i deserve to LOL too right?

2011-05-24T05:54:00.000-07:00

Dear,

I need a stepping stone...a stepping stone..to get used to living life without you. You're not able to be here for me, and i can't be there for you. I'm not giving up on us, don't misunderstand me...i'm really not. I'll wait..insya-allah i'll wait... I just need to "refresh" myself... forgetting temporarily what we had.. but i still behave... That's what i promise you, so i will..i will behave. I'm in so much pain that no one knows..no one is able to put themselves in my shoes... i ate a meal a day...if i'm home..i don't eat at all.. but i try to eat a bit..cause i know i can't collapse..not in front of people. As all they need to know is that i'm still strong...and i'm fine. I can force myself to eat a bit..but then that's my limit. Lunching alone today..actually...lunching itself...brings back traces of you..even at work..i avoid looking at the phone unnecessarily..as i know "110" will nvr intercom my fon again..even if it does..it's not YOU... i don't know how to survive now..only way..is for me to think of you only once in a while..that's all.. but i'll always remember that no matter what...the status may just be a status..but i still wanna wait for you..if you want to dump me in a yr's time..i gotta accept right? But till then...i'm yours as much as you're mine... MY HEART IS NUMB.

I've so much in my mind..but you ain't here to listen. I miss you... i really do... do you miss me as much? Which is why..till then...in a year's time..will i then mumble at you...and ask you as much qns as i want. argg! you know what...i don't know what;s going on! but i miss my own smiles and laughters...i'm so sick of being down. do you even know how sick i am now?!!! YOU AIN'T HERE FOR ME! So till..you're back..i'll be me...own by you...but im still me.. i'll behave for sure... till then.. IF i have to break down ever again..it will be the day you decide to dump me in a yr..kay.. I don't know what's your situation now... i don't know...but one thing for sure..i knw you're numb too.. cause if you all emo..you'll go crazy..so don;t..numb yourself till next yr kay..

I need a friend right now... i need yall so bad. I don't wanna see any of you get hurt, cause i'll get twice as mad than usual. and i mean it this time. I'm trying to fix every broken friendship i have..i wanna get it right... if any assholes or idiots come near my friends with intention of fooling around.. i'll be there..i'll be around to crush you.

i'm soo...i've reach the pt where no words will decribe how i feel..and what's inside of me..

i'm guilty towards you...i wanna make things right..not in having what we had..but a friend...a real friend...let me in pls..

I'm frigging lost now. Shucks. Sucks. Don't be in my shoes.

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Day 7

2011-05-23T05:28:00.000-07:00

Dear,

It's Day 7... how am i surviving? Like that... I don't know how long i can do this...when can i actually have news of you? i feel like giving up.... I'm so hurt, i'm hurt by the fact that you're not here when i need you too... I told you i will need words of motivation from you yourself. If not i don't know what i'll do. Even if i fall sick will you fly to me? Though i know you can't. You know how much it hurts to stand alone. I know i may be selfish only thinking of myself. Probably you're hurting too...or probably you're way too numb there. If you are completely numb, good for you. You don't feel the same pain as i do. I lost my capability to be numb. Today again, mummy cook your favorite. "Ayam Lemak"... I've no appetite, none at all. Anyway Dear, today one of your customer called...think only wanted a quotation, she wanted go Redang...i don't know how to quote redang..i tried..to quote..but i still not sure..going to ask jiejie before getting back to her tomorrow. .. You only left a note teaching me how to quote Bintan..not Redang... I've so much to ask and tell you, but do you actually care? When ....when...? I refuse to suffer, but at the same time..i'm not able to make myself happy. I'm reaching the point when i'm not gonna care at all. A point when whatever happens..happens. I don't give a shit no more. How long can i go emo? I've no idea...emo ain't me. I just need news from you please. Are you willing to let me go even though i'm not? Going nuts. Literally am.

Time was a friend today. Thank god, alhamdullilah i've had a good day, and i hope for better ones coming. I hope work will be more smooth for me.. i may complaint a lot...but i'm still thankful for my life.. i'll my very best to no longer hurt anyone..

Random thought for me...how is that..when i've got something good..i fail to treasure it...i want more... and when i got more even though i know it's for a short while..all i want is something simple.

I love to hurt myself? maybe? i don't deserve happiness? maybe? i cause my own misery...

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Ending of Day 6

2011-05-22T06:36:00.000-07:00

Dear,

What exactly am i suppose to say now? Even if i want to talk, it's not like you'll fly back here just to have a talk with me. I'm losing myself. Pray hard that i'm not losing my sanity. In the end you're with me right? In the end we want the same things right? I don't mind looking like the bitch, that is people's perception right? But i'll literally stop if you tell me to stop...that is if what you really want. A decision that will make you happy. I need a source of motivation from you. I need you to nag at me. It's a work day tmr, i'm trying to start afresh... But do you think it'll be that easy? Especially when currently, i've no case on my hands. All my case is settled. Now, i need gain new customers and new sales. I need to get started on my sales report too.. you've given me the format..but you didn't exactly guide me through it. Dear, can we keep what we have real? Who will be pushing who away..? Or can we stay or at least can i stay strong even if there's people poking me.... I need news from you, i need to be able to communicate with you with whatsoever method. Frankly, i don't know what's going on... only the fact ..there's you, me and time.

I think i'm strong, or at least i thought i was. What have i landed myself into? One who refuse to risk herself get hurt, but in the end she just walk into a journey that's filled with needles till the end. I'm one who moves on fast, but not when, in the middle there's unresolved issues. I may appear nonchalant, but i'm still too nice & softhearted at times. At times i think maybe i should just appreciate and take in the nice things that happen. But then again, i know i don't deserve it, i should not be selfish. Am i hurting you..? or are you hurting me? I need to fill my time. i really do. Friends, i'm sorry...but i really need you in this period of my life. Can i please call or bug you at random timings...? I need someone to talk to..or at least someone who will bring me out for fresh air. That's the best for me..the best for someone who gets breathless so easily. I'm taking my supplements back, i don't wanna end up physically weak. Even if it's just a meal a day, with my supplements, i won't drop. I need to stay focus on work too. Hoping that i'll no longer lunch alone tomorrow. Not strong enough to do so. I bought a book... a book to take my mind off from thinking too much. I need to get myself back. This time, i know i can't do it alone. I need a lot of nice people who;s nice enough to lend me a hand and pull me up.. as i can bet you...i'll keep falling not caring about the amount of bruises.

"aku tak tahu apa yang ku rasakan
dalam hatiku saat pertama kali
lihat dirimu, melihatmu
seluruh tubuhku terpaku dan membisu
detak jantungku berdebar tak menentu
sepertinya aku tak ingin berlalu"

"Sometimes I cry
Why dont I just tell him goodbye
Sometimes I should but
Sometimes I dont
Build up the strength to say that its wrong
Sometimes I hate sometimes I love
Sometimes I hurtsometimes I dont
Sometimes I wait for him to change
But its okay I just got to pay (yeah)"

If you want to know what i want. FIRST,
I need you to tell me what you want in a year. I need you to tell me for sure that you will hunt me back. I need you to tell me the truth. I need the sincere truth. I need to know where you will be in a year's time... Just give me the answers and i'll give you mine. My answers will be similar to what i've told you before. But in case, you've something new to tell me and you may intentions of not returning. I'll let you go. As much as you're willing to let me go if i can get better happiness, i'm willing to do so too. I know where's your dreams and goals at. But now i'm not sure if you'll include me in your goals. Dear, you remember saying this... "once i'm done, you will bet i'll make you mine and never leave you again..." & "as for me i will not push or leave you alone, i fear that u'll change cause you've a long way through life...i had enough. i want to actually guide you and let you know whatever you want with my experience and not let you go through and find out the hard way." Being Me...Dear...firstly, you left me alone here ya!! and i'm already going through things the hard way.!!! argg! You're so irritating. When will you ever be able to answer my questions and stop leaving me wondering on my own.

Remember peeps, i'm putting this into mind too...
"Biar orang buat kite, jangan kite buat orang"

Signing off,
Nur Hida Sulaiman

Here's a true fact about me...

2011-05-21T19:51:00.000-07:00

Frankly Dear, from so much things to say to you, i'm so emotionally stoned now, that i only want to ask you that few questions..than i'll be done. & will just inform you that AE's doors will always be open to you...just in case you wanna u-turn back into AE. But till that day...i will not decide things, as not only it will be unfair, but un-fun too. Remember how similar we can be, our strength & weaknesses can be pretty similar.

A true fact,

the more a person wants to be a bitch to me, i won't really react...depends on situation though, but i love it when you're the bitch and i'll just smile...cause in the end i'm a better bitch.. He WAS yours, he WAS your ex, okie..so i rampas your EX? Makes sense? So i wonder how many guys are already EX-es...so i though only married guys can't be touch..so what you mean is EX-es also cannot touch..so in YOUR world, everyone only has one love? I'm lost...doesn't matter...it's YOUR retarded world, NOT mine. You said i'm a minah who rampas kebahagiaan orang...? First takmo step phm... I know lah you Gadis Melayu kan..sorry eh kak, sape lah adik only..minah kan...

Dear,

I'm upset over the thing(s) that you actually forgot to tell me or what?! You know you'll leave me with your traces, and it will really be best if you could told me if it has link with any of your memorable past. Now they're after me..not literally, but it sure be hell lots of fun for them to see me in pain. So i'm not giving it to them... They wanna see me in pain..? Tell them the only pain they'll see is when i'm in hell! Thanx eh Dear, you left me with the best gifts, i'm a simple gurl who has no haters, but you left me with a bunch of haters. But trust me, even if they find me..go ahead...but if they lay a hand on me, i'm not nice, i won't react...but they'll see where they'll end up... I'm being strong for my parents..you know that! As much it is for you too... it will be best if you could leave your life's biography with me. With a reference page attached, so i can filter out my possible haters. You've a lot to answer to me. Got it? Till then, you take care.

i'm emotionally stoned, so hate me all you want. You think i deserve it then..sure...i do. i just happen to fall in love with the guy that you happen to fall in love too... so..my bad..hate..really hate me over a guy.. seriously...why not start the drama once he has settled his issues... i'll literally let you have a word with him...and if you still wanna hate me go ahead. but remember...you can't force his way... i feel so old lah for this shit... babe...we're like similar age... if you hate me...then go ahead...i also don't know want to say what or do what...if i wanna apologise..i don't know for what...and it's not like even if i do so..you'll accept my apology with a smile. I'm an easy going person...but at times..the more you try to hurt me...the more cheerful i can be? i'm not sure if that's the right word...but it's like a source of strength. i'm a no born hater..so i won't know... i may be small and may not be able to fight you back..i may now know as much ABANGs as you..but in the end...yea...it's all up to you.. I know you got you other beloveds Sis of Gadis Melayu supporting you..good for you... take care..sis...

Signing off,

Nur Hida

Day 5 Part II - Ending...

2011-05-21T05:22:00.000-07:00

Dear,

Guess who added me on facebook? Your dearly beloved ms neighbour at ghim moh. What does she want from me? Give you away..? You're not even here with me... What does she want? Frankly, i'm down enough, she does not have to be a bitch...cause i'll be the better bitch. I mean can't she wait till you're back then start her drama, what can i do for her...? Give her your pictures? Oh wait..she won't need me for that, she's your neighbour...she can just go knocking on your door. I don't know...arggg! She didn't affect me but it's just that i'm really down now...and then she comes popping out...when will YOU be popping back to me?! Tomorrow is Sunday...and frankly i'm trying to avoid Monday, i don't know how to face work... frankly..i would feel just like cabbing to and fro, so i don't have to meet anyone..talk to anyone and face anyone..all i wanna do is go to work and be back home. This is how fragile i am without you. I know i started the day by being strong and all... but this "strong" act ends now..for today.. Is this how it's gonna be? Strong at the start then fall back on my knees at the end of the day.... How many times do i have to fall? Should i really be filled with bruises then i'll be really happy.... WHY? WHY ME? WHY YOU? WHY US? WHY NOW? WHY NOT BEFORE I MET YOU? Dear...i'm sorry..i complaint too much..I'M SORRY REALLY AM... i always tend to ignore people's feelings and only care about my own and happily shoot my mouth all just cause i'm in a bad mood. I know probably you yourself don't feel good now... As much as i wanna complaint on and on... at the same time, i don't want to get you worried over me... But i need somethings from you to be strong... i need you to tell me to be strong. Please... Ya allah....may he be in a good place, may his journey be a smooth one...forgive him if he's been bad..but i know he's change...a different person from who he was from the past. Ya allah, give me the strength please... Ya allah, i'm willing to go through this trial..and i think so does he...but give us the strength to go through this too... Dear, please don't push me away, not now..not ever..please... I know how at times you think, it will be better for me..if you push me away..guess what...I WON'T BE BETTER WITHOUT YOU... so if you want me fine...if you want me happy...DON'T PUSH ME AWAY.

Okay, i'm done being the emotional female...time to tell you something funny, hehe, just now me follow my mummy go my cuz house...and yipee..my slipper broke! Dear..my slipper broke...and then when going home..i just walk bare-footed cross the traffic light to the bus stop..YEAP..I WALK BARE FOOTED..macam kat kampung gitu...haha! But i hope nobody took pic and place it in stomp lah... shy noeee! Then me mummy still wanna go Chong Pang, cause there got Pasar Malam, so she want to buy Ramly Burger for my bro..then with my broken slipper i walk like some retard...and surprisingly...i had to walk a distance before i found a shop that actually sold slippers! Haizz...what a day..for me... But at the end of the day..only you know what affects me most... at the end of the day, i'm still worried about you. But just to let you know...i've been good, and i am kinda taking care of myself. So please give me any form of news about you soon. I need to know... i really do. I'm going nuts.

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Day 5: Finally had a good sleep, i hope you did too..

2011-05-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

Dear,

Remember how i always like to google the different accommodations that we offer and then i told you Cinderella told me to find out this resort in Phillipines, a resort that's so beautiful and it's only in asia! The moment i saw the pictures, i intercom you and told you to google it ASAP! You spoilt my moment at first saying sarcastically to me saying why would i wanna go to "Peace Island" sounds like some graveyard when actually the resort's name is AmanPulo! I got upset cause i was so delighted when i saw the place... But in the end you cheered me up, cause you say we'll go together one day, once you've settled your issues and once i'm more grown up?! LOL. So..like how you remember the things that i've said, i am keeping in mind what you told me too... When you're back i want you to pamper me a lot! YOU OWE ME!

I'm just wondering though...Dear..which part of the world are you exactly at now?! I'm here and you're somewhere there... So once you're done there, come back here...claim me back...then the next time you wanna go anywhere else..bring me along! But remember to get permission from Haji Daddy Cool & Hajah Mummy Rango! I sincerely hope after all this, we'll have a better happy ending... and we'll be like any other lovers, having our own typical fights and quarrels... The truth though, i don't know what will happen in a year's time or after that... but i think we'll get the answers only when we finally get to face each other... So now i'm not going to assume things and dump you like that..i'll wait.. Remember how you were always mad and get so upset when i say you would dump me..and you keep emphasizing..it's the situation that will dump us! I know you want the best of me...i know you told me..if i found someone better you told me to take a step forward... You told be before that as long as i'm happy ...you're willing to take a step back...actually knowing you...you don;t even mind running away from me..as long as i'm happy right!! You're so selfish at times! Bluek! Guess what...i've join the obsessive club too! Ain't gonna let you run.i'll chase after..got it?! Just wanted to tell you, i'm stronger now..really am...are you?! You better be... Speaking of obsessive, i miss you being so protective over me.. i remember how much i had to console you and convince you that..... bluek!

As usual i'm in my own world, feeling-feeling kay..haha...so ya...whee..after so long i finally had a good sleep. My heart ain't clear but at least my mind is and that's all i need. There's so many things in my head that i want to do...just to fill up my time..but will i actually do it? i've no idea at all... One thing for sure, i need more than work to fill my time... hmm... i need partner in crimes for that... Cause i am a weakling that can't be a loner nor do things alone... In fact now i think i would need a lunch date during work...i can't bear eating alone especially when MR FBI left his traces all along...

Some would say time flies,

Some would say it's a long duration,

What i would say is that it's a journey,

I expect the best,

But if outcome is meant to be of another way, then it's my fate,

I'll accept and move on,

Insya-allah, i'll be there for you as much as you need me too...

Even if it's just being there spiritually, i'll be content too..

I'll be strong for you,

So i need you to be strong too.

Till we get back in communication,

Don't disappoint me,

We're under the same sku, the same clouds,

So whenever i miss you, i'll just look up and say...

I love you...

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

I'll cheer up...

2011-05-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

Dear,

Remembered how we'll always compared ourselves to the rest of the horoscope? Then in the end we seem to change each other like a lot! I was chatting with my darl gf today...her name is Ain anyway... I recalled suddenly how you hate me keep saying...friend and gf..you'll rather i say the name as you felt as if i had too many friends! Anyway we chatting roughly about the same thing..and i did say..Saggitarius are good lover...so you better be good and claim me back when the time is right! Got it?!!! I know, i shall behave too... & oh haha..guess what..she thinks you're 40!!! haha...first time seh Dear! bluek! & oh..she did say..if you don't claim me back...you're a dead meat...she's a scorpio!! so ya...as much as i know you can react..remember mess wif my gf and you mess with me... i can be a monster too! hehehehehe! I got news from your brother today, wasn't really news but at least i know something right?!! I'm patient, so you better be too...

I've actually literally counted the days left...it's really unhealthy for me. But i keep telling myself, yeah! A day gone..a day closer! But you will know which days along the way will affect me most. I need to cheer up... i need fresh air... as much as work will occupy me..i need more than that? I actually ask my bro out for a movie on some weekend in june!! See how much you spoilt me? I can't stay home... but i behave when i'm out... remember how you'll always paranoid when i'm out?! Fearing that i'll be playful... But think if i was or if i wanted to be...you would know? Cause you'll always read my mind!! Remember this line Dear...? "The players may change but the game stays the same" This always stick to our mind... which is why you ain't sure of me. I always remember what's in your diary or "bible" yes..it's a long duration till... But till then ...like you said...it's all up to HIM right?! But till then we shall continue in our faith for each other?! I've said before my heart feels really heavy and it's all numb and pretty stone right now... But maybe i should stop complaining about my own pain, cause you're probably suffering the same too.. which made me realise..i don't want you to be in pain! I don't want to be put in pain too cause i realise how much it will affect you! I'll be stronger as the days get by... i may fall...but i'll pick myself up... I've said before...i'm a proud saggitarius! I'm not gonna let myself be so fragile..even if i am...i won't let anybody hurt me! So Dear...till you claim me back..i'm gonna be selfish and spread my love only to my friends... so if you want a piece of it...you know what to do! xoxo! Distance makes the heart grows fonder?!! HELL..IT'S PAINFUL...but if it's the trial for us..then let's take a tralala walk along till the end... hmm...i think if i start writing to you..you'll probably think i'm long-winded! But too bad..you know you are too! Bluek! I'm glad i took time off from work...even if it;s MC... but i think there's a reason why Doc gave me antibiotics?! But boo..not gonna take it! But if my health still ain't good then i'll consider for checkup and treatment! I fear Monday, the day when i'll be back at work..i fear if i'll be weak again... i fear seeing "110" on my office phone...i fear how it may hurt... As much as i get back up easily..i fall easily... i'm going to try though cause no matter how much it hurts... i'll always remember my side of the deal..so you better too! PS: i hope you won't be mad that i didn't took over your Bali's case... I was so fragile...i pretended on the first day..to be fine..but i needed time to be fragile too.. Frankly..i wanna run off on a holiday! But bluek! I want you to take me on a holiday instead! YOU OWE ME! Okay, i should stop rambling...hehe..i think if i start writing a letter...it will be pages?!

Okay it's not time yet... but i actually miss your ramblings too! Like i'll always say..Keep loving me & love me more! got it?!

Okay my bad...i know everyone can read..but yea..i'm in my own world now..so bluek!

I may not be stable..but i'm still dependable..insya-allah!

Till then..take care!

I;ve got a date...for transformers?..i think...now i need pirates of the carribean and kung fu panda? come come..don't shy! Expect no more than a friendly company..be warned! I'm friendly...but overstep and i'll bite!

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Can i depend on anyone right now?

2011-05-19T23:19:00.000-07:00

At times it feels like i'm alone. Really alone. Have i not been there for my friends? Have i been the worst of a friend. It really hurts right now. I've difficulty breathing. Things seems normal but out of place. Besides work, after work will there be anything else to occupy me? Will there be anyone who's willing to just keep me company and expect nothing from me? Will i ever find a friend like that? Do i have a friend like that? I may be down right now, i've no choice but to be strong even if it's just me being pretentious.

Dear,

Do you know as much as i want to catch Transformers or even Pirates of the Carribean...i fear of the pain that i would have to go through...memories of you and me. You're really good at leaving traces of you everywhere, i remember you telling me that these traces would act as a warning to the rest of the guys out there to leave me alone as i'm yours. What about now? My heart is like a stone right now...feels really heavy. Till the time comes, and only then will it tells, if i'm yours as much as you're mine. You were always there for me, from the start you're just there, you're a habit which i pick up pretty easily and whom i seem to be addicted to. But now things change. I know i'm complaining too much. But i guess it's my paranoia.

I don't want to land myself in depression, it's not worth it, and it would only make the timeline longer. I don't deserve to pull anyone down with me, i don't need the pity, and i know if YOU ever find out that i'm hurting myself, even though you're far away from me, you will find a way to push me off faster and further just so i'll forget you. Knowing you i know you'll do that.

I'll try to occupy myself. I need company. I can't be left alone, as i do not know what i'll do.

Only Allah right not knows how heavy my heart is. Only HE knows, what my minds is filled with. & so if HE's willing, i hope that he'll give me strength that i need, the strength that he needs, and hopefully we'll overcome our journey.

Pain is essential to me now. As i've appetite for pain than meals. With physical pain, it distracts me a lot.

For you, i'll stay strong, i hope you're doing the same.

Traces of you are everywhere,

I imagine your presences whenever i go,

I get breathless just thinking of you,

I wonder if you feel the same too,

As much i hope to always be in your mind & heart,

I pray hard that you don't feel the same pain as i do,

I'll be strong for you and i'll hope you'll do the same too.

We broke our barriers for each other,

Which could be the main cause of our pain,

But we'll make it worthwhile,

As we would want the ending of this trial,

To be back in each other's arms.

Others may not understand,

Others may judge,

But i'll endure anything for you, if WE would stay strong together,

Soon after, we'll get the ending that we want.

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman.

Paranoia getting over me...

2011-05-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

I've called a source in trying to know where you are... but she's not very useful...not a single bit. So all i can do now is to await news from your brother. I'm going nuts. I literally have difficulty breathing now. I though i woke up stronger, but guess what i drop on my knees all over again.

I'm trying to no longer let my tears flow, but my hears won't stop aching. One thing for sure, my heart is numb, numb to anything else but you. For my own good, i think i'm not going to collect your jacket from the office, i think i'll leave it till Monday.

Dear, you wanna know something? I'm letting paranoid get over me. Am i just too weak till i've turn to find any single reason to stop me from missing you. I'm going to try to be as strong as you are. PS: Today my mum cooked your favorite... i can just imagine your jealousy right now... But till we get into proper contact again.. i won't stop missing you.

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

I'm trying to be strong for you...

2011-05-19T05:30:00.000-07:00

Dear,

I think i'm turning numb soon, numb to anything else but you. I'm not forgetting you and i've no intention to do so. I've so much to tell you...and it's only day 3. Remember you told me to be good and not be naughty? I told Cinderella that, and she agreed with you..she told me to be good..and she says she too will keep her eye on me to make sure that no other Tom, Dick or Harry come my way! One more thing you'll be thrill to know that she think we're the same age! BTW she still wants an invite to our wedding, insya-allah, haha...she's like paving the future for us. I remember the day when abang ask you, "when nak nikah?" and you stared at me...but you still understood what's on my mind. All that could came out of my mouth was.."i'm not even 21, if nikah still need parents to sign for me..no fun" But ONLY YOU knew what's on my mind. I'm a bad PA, Dear, remember your Bali issue? The one that's on the waiting list, i guess i was too weak, i could not handle it..so in the end...Mr P took it...but i still told Abang to take over at least one... I'm sorry i didn't took over any. I'm too weak. I've already cleared all the toys from your table and transferred to mine. At first..S-jiejie wanted to move me there...i was thrilled at first, but then i realise how much drama can go on there, and i don't think i'll be able to take it...i didnt say anything though. Then soon after, i heard your sayang D and S-jiejie moving someone else there, i was kinda more appeased but still jealous..cause there's traces of you there. Then again...i'm always jealous? Truetruetrue! I went lunch alone... i just went Mac @ OG... i didnt had any appetite...but i bought fries and coke..and i'm sure you'll smack me and scold me upside down..cause i took a bit of 2 fries and a sip of drink..and i didn't eat anything for the rest of the day in fact..the last meal for me was when you fed me lunch before you left. I'm sorry, but i was too down...traces of you are everywhere.. But i'm trying to behave now...i'll be good...i'll take care of myself... Cause it made me realised that i don't want you to be worry over me & i know it's not possible for you to come save me if i faint..as if you're able to do so, we'll be laughing right now....but you're there & i'm here... I never fail to look up the sky whether it's day or night..and think..we're under the same sky...but i wonder what you're doing at that same moment, remember how you tell me to take in the nature and appreciate it when i feel lost, well i took your advice...won't work everytime but it's still a temporary cure. I feel so breathless when you're not around. I'm addicted to you. i got so much happiness from you and it had to pause for a while.. i take him as a trial for both of us from him... like what you saide.."hope faith will be on our side".

I hope you're doing fine and taking care of yourself too. Love you Dear. :)

Trying to be stronger now, really trying...it's a bit difficult, but my tears is drying up...or at least my eyes needs a break.. All i want is to stay well and fill myself with the happy memories. I'm still waiting for news, but patience is a virtue right?

I'm glad i got 2 days MC, but now i'm wondering am i really sick till the Doc gave me 2 days instead of 1? i'm thankful, but he gave me antibiotics, said my tonsils is big, told me to get more rest. I've like panadol, antibiotics, lozenges, flu med. He even emphasize on me having to finish the antibiotics, every single bite of it! But i' think curing myself mentally is a priority now... Curing myself emotionally fully...is a bit impossible now...as he's my only cure! So Dear..better hunt me and claim me back!

Been sleeping it off, but giving pretentious smiles is really tiring... and being down is tiring too.

So till i'm better, yall take care of yourself.

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman Property of Mohd Fadli Ibrahim.

Day 3 Only you on my mind & in my heart

2011-05-19T00:04:00.000-07:00

i miss you. then again i always miss you. i took 2 days MC. If you had the chance will you come running back to me even if it's for a while just to tell me to be strong. As that's what i need from you now. You're the one who always dared to look me in the eye and tell me to step up, smile...

till now no news yet, i'm going nuts. I've a horrible headache. As much as i have no reason to cheer up about, i don't want you to feel any pain that i'm feeling now. People keep telling me time flies, well in my world, time is crawling.

Dear, i can't stop looking at our pictures and texts, i would wake just to check my hp if there's any news from your brother... if only.... I've always imagine the day when you would come to claim me back and how i would hug you so tightly and not let you go. It's painful, but i'll always crave for the day when you will open up your arms wide for me and never let me go again, and to never leave my side again. I'll always remember

I'm trying to crawl my back up and stand, but it's no easy. One thing for sure, i'm bound to drop and faint...i was about too drop today, but i can't..i'm home...don't want mummy to worry too much. But how much can longer can i pretend, how much longer do i have to endure. The duration..is stuck in my head. ALL I WANT IS TO TAKE A LOOK AT YOU, I WANT TO KNOW YOUR WELL BEING. THAT'S MOST IMPORTANT TO ME.

If you feel the same way as i do then don't...cause it's enough for me to endure the pain, i don't to have to worry for you enduring the same kind of pain. All i want is your smile & well-being.

"A night is just a night that always remain the same to most people but to me every single night is like a memory retraction, time to remember your daily and your past moment that make you smile or happy"

"Once i'm back , you will bet i'll make you mine and never leave you again!"

The truth? I'm dead inside. Like i said, it's not a life without you. But for now, till you're back, i'm going to try to live...for you..

Loving and missing you Dear.

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

Day 2 without you..

2011-05-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

Hey Bloggy,

you should be pretty upset with me for only turning you at a downturn of my life... i'm sorry. Just that i can't call people up at this timing just so i can rant away.

Reading through your messages, as much as i miss you, it boost up my strength... not a lot...but at least your texts shows how strong we can be...

i don't know...i really don't know what i'm trying to say... here i am ignorantly waiting for news... waiting for you...

i'm not making sense now...

Usually it will be this timing, you'll be texting me...and i'm that silly girl who somehow will never fail to falls asleep while texting you half-way. As much as you'll get irritated and expect an asnwer from me,,, you'll still understand and not get mad at me.. Cause only you knew how shagged i was.

Dear please remember that you swear not to have the intention to push me away...no matter what the circumstances. You will come and find me when the day comes right..? You will claim me back when the time is right? Cause i'll be waiting.... I'm yearning for that day to be back in your arms. Both you and i have a vow to keep.

I miss having you worrying about my well being, whether it's with regards to my pimples, eye bags, dark circles, morning gastric, dry skin, or whatsoever.

I didn't dump you..neither did you dump me... SITUATION is separating us. If this is a trial for us, ya Allah, guide me through..give me the strength..

Yearns for the day to be back in your arms Dear. Love you.

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

It used to be so much easier...

2011-05-17T05:35:00.000-07:00

It used to be so much easier to numb myself and be strong. But all i'm doing now is acting strong, i don't know how long i can continue doing so. When frankly, all i want to do is faint, at least it'll save me the feeling of pain & torture and time will pass me by without even me knowing.

I'm so weak without you, you used to say i'm the light of your foundation.... how am i suppose to even stand without my foundation...

It's a work day tmr, tell me how...how am i suppose to survive... Dear, i really don't know what to do... i hope my tears will dry up soon, but at this rate & at this state, tell me how.. i know it's hurting you too. I'm already missing you so much.

You're my strength, you still are...and you will always be. So whatever work tips you gave me, i'll remind myself to make use of it. I'm gonna miss seeing "110" intercom my phone.

I keep telling myself i'll be fine, i know i will be. As for you Dear, i will be strong and keep myself strong. I may be emotionally weak, but i'll still take care of myself, just for you. I apologise to anyone whom i made so worry about me.

Currently i'm hating enclosed areas so much as i'll feel like i can't breathe... really difficult to breathe.

I love you Mohd Fadli Ibrahim. Till we return to each other arms, tonight let the full moon keeps us company. Every step i take, every move i made, has you on my mind & in my heart. I hope it's the same for you too.

WHY THE PAIN HAS TO BE FELT PHYSICALLY AND NOT ONLY MEANT LITERALLY...? MY HEART HURTS SO BAD...REALLY DOES... I'M TOO WORRIED FOR YOUR WELL-BEING...

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman

I can't turn myself numb for him, but i'm literally numb for anything else...

2011-05-16T17:28:00.000-07:00

i was one who don't listen to malay songs or whatsoever, but you told me for you at times, the songs literally explains what you feel or feeling... So you send me this, and i got addicted to this till now...

You always accompanied me through the journey to work with me, lunch with me, even intercom during office hours... you were there for me the whole day. WE knew the day will come, we knew the day will separate us and it did. SO May 16 came, even though it was time, after lunch, you still wanted to send me back to office. Before you left, you told me not to be sad, being me i told you, i've no reason to be happy... but for you i'll stay strong.

oh..it was a full moon last night. YOU WERE RIGHT, DEAR! & so you said it will be the full moon who will company me through the night, it did...but it's still too far..

You've became my habit, a habit that last 24/7, there for me once i'm awake. Always out with you, hp is always busy with you, i love it when you will be texting me and expects an answer from me... i love your concern over me. I knew we had limited time left, so i didn't really care and just wanted to spend the whole time with you not caring about any consequences, but you read through me, you knew i was shagged, you knew i've reach my limit... But again i didn't mind, cause till you come back to me in a roughly a year's time..that will be my time to rest. When i had any complaints about work, you'll always be there to listen and pump me up with more confidence...

Even yesterday, in the office, i couldn't allow myself to stop working or NOT do anything, cause my mind will be flooded with you...expecting a call from your desk. I was very uneasy, till the point i almost crack when i was serving customer, but i just had to stop and let myself crack later...after work, when i'm safely home. You're a habit which i've no complaints about.

You tried to go the easy way, and bear all the pain to yourself by trying to leave me first... but it didn't work! I'm able to read through you as much as you're able to read through me. You dared to love again, due to me... i found love due to you... no excuses, as i think i've found love in you. I promise you i'll be good, i'll take care of myself, i'll stay over @ AE for at least a year, so you'll know where to find me, for you i'll behave.

Insya-allah we'll be together again. Insya-allah we're meant for each other, insya-allah, i'll wait for you, insya-allah you'll find me.

I thought i was mentally prepared, and i was....i am, but i didn't got myself emotionally prepared...

A year from now, we both got the same dream and hope that only has you & me.

My only solution now, is to numb myself with work keeping myself busy... I told you you will excel if you had the chance, i'm gonna try, i'll stable myself, give myself a chance to even try harder. I can't continues any further..

It's a holiday, i wonder what you're up to now...& i know you're wondering the same too..

Mohd Fadli Ibrahim, i love you. Please remember our deal. Till then, good luck to both you & me, hope it will be smooth journey till the end and soon enough we'll be back in each other's arms.

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman.

I'm happy, really am... sincerely am. No more excuse...

2011-05-15T06:42:00.000-07:00

i know some of you maybe at lost to what's going on... But for now, i know how it seems wrong, how it seems fickle minded of me. I know whom i've may hurt indirectly. But trust me i have no intentions. No matter what i say, i know how it will look like.. but it doesn't really matter to me, cause i've no guilt on my shoulders.

But i'm really happy... though i know tmr changes things, i still hope for the best..

But whatever we've had is real and i mean it this time.

If you really love me, and am concern, just know that he made me really happy..and i really am. We may seem imperfect for each other, but it's more than that.

It's just the beginning, but we'll be facing a real challenge soon enough, a mountain where it will be a long journey. The journey will probably hurts a lot, but i'm sorry, my heart is numb and only he will give it warmth. I'm hoping for the best outcome. Frankyl if not for this mountain, we'll probably be still searching. But either way, alhamdullilah i found him. Thank you god. Sincerely am thankful, i'm your humble servant whom may not be the most pious, but thank you for giving me life, thank you for letting me live another day, thank you for all the people whom exist in my life. I love them lots, therefore i'll hope you bless them with the best.

So, to my dearest friends, beloveds, i know you want an answer from me. I'll give you that should be known. As for the rest, leave it be.

Verse 1:
Baby when I think about
The day that we first met (the day that we first met)
Wasn't lookin for what I found
But I found you
And I'm bound to find happiness in being around you

Chorus:
I'm glad when I'm makin love to you
I'm glad for the way you make me feel
I love it cause you seem to blow my mind every time
I'm glad when you walk you hold my hand
I'm happy that you know how to be a man
I'm glad that you came into my life
I'm so glad

Verse 2:
I dig the way that you get down
(you get down thugged out)
And you still know how to hold me
(and you still know how to hold me)
Perfect blend, masculine (can't get enough now)
I think I'm in love, damn finally

Chorus:
I'm glad when I'm makin love to you
I'm glad for the way you make me feel
I love it cause you seem to blow my mind every time
I'm glad when you walk you hold my hand
I'm happy that you know how to be a man
I'm glad that you came into my life
I'm so glad

Bridge:
I'm glad that you turned out to be
That certain someone special
who makes this life worth living
I'm glad you're here just loving me
So say that you won't leave
Cause since the day you came
I've been glad

Chorus:
I'm glad when I'm makin love to you
I'm glad for the way you make me feel
I love it cause you seem to blow my mind every time
I'm glad when you walk you hold my hand
I'm happy that you know how to be a man
I'm glad that you came into my life
I'm so glad

Uneasy and Lost.

2011-03-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

My school stuff ain't settled, i feel really uneasy now..

Tomorrow it'll start, but i don't know where to go & where to report etc...

Forgive me for not replyyin to any text/call now..

I'm afraid, i'm weaker now... it's so easy to numb myself, but it takes a lot of heart for me to pretend to smile & laugh with you and make the day simply great... Cause at the end of the day when i'm myself, i'm back to reality as the deadline comes closer and closer to hunt me down. I've not been a friend to many i know..again..i'll beg your forgiveness...

Everything is fake now.

Nur Hida signing off.

"What is right and What is Wrong?"

2011-03-24T05:09:00.000-07:00

Once again, alhamdullilah... thank you..thank you...thank you & you! Thanx for giving me this opportunity....

I've so many thoughts on my mind, happy & worried frankly... I don't know what to do...i seriously need major help for accounting...if i'm able to settle trading profit & loss account, adjustments....

I need to grow up and stop thinking why life is unfair... i've got no right to do so...

To the one who tried to fleece my mum today... YOU BETTER WATCH OUT! I MEAN IT A*HOLE! Don't because she alone..want to take advantage...if i was with her...you'll be at the police station right now! Idiots...buzz off! If you so smart & healthy...GET A JOB!

Anyway...have noted some potential colleagues..
Hopefully this time...i'll get over it & start afresh.

I'm feeling better but not perfect yet.... give me time..i don't want to rush things..with myself...

I've tortured someone today...literally deprived that someone of major sleep! sorry!

I think Coffee Bean will be my new best friend soon, kinda addicted to the Banana Choc..

I'm gonna have an early night... i'm over thinking..i don't wanna get into a mess again.
Sorry friends, if i've lived my own world now..i just need to be selfish for a while and worry about myself... Yall are big enough to know to not make rash decisions right... So just take care of yourself..

I've live with enough regret,
Thinking it ain't no big deal,
Not giving myself enough respect,
Letting myself believe, life's just another ferris wheel.

Hope is what i want,
Fresh is how i live,
This time ain't gonna run,
For all i need is, my beliefs.

PS: Mum's already asking me how i'm going to pursue my studies, when life starts.

Signing off,

Nur Hida Sulaiman.

I think i'll be alright...

2011-03-23T05:15:00.000-07:00

Candles by Hey Monday

The power lines went out
And I am all alone
But I don't really care at all
Not answering my phone
All the games you played
The promises you made
Could't finish what you started
Only darkness still remains

Lost sight
Couldn't see
When it was you and me

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I'm beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I'll be alright

Been black and blue before
There's no need to explain
I am not the jaded kind
Playback's such a waste
You're invisible
Invisible to me
My wish is coming true
Erase the memory of your face

Lost sight
Couldn't see
When it was you and me

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I'm beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I'll be alright

One day
You will wake up
With nothing but you’re sorries
And someday
You will get back
Everything you gave me

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I'm beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I'll be alright

I've a new set of playlist on my phone that just lets me cool down and let me have the peace that i want and need. Music is the perfect medicines that can minimise the pain inflicted on your soul.

I've not been in touch via Twitter nor Facebook, it feels a bit weird, but i just need to get away from things till i've got myself settled. I'm not losing it, i just need to listen to myself for once...

Things have changed the day i've graduated from ITE, everyone's growing up, a fact which i've difficulty adapting too... Things have gotten more personal and adds more responsibilities... I shall say responsibilities instead of burden? My family shall never be a burden to me... My family....things ain't just the same.

I've left this blog quite a while ago, i'm glad i can actually come back and just continue ranting... A place where not many knows? Maybe...or maybe not?

Obligations in your life, prioritise them right.

On the other hand, i'm actually worried about my interview tomorrow, i'm not sure what to do...or what to say...i'm not sure what's gonna happen tomorrow...

Okay, i've to calm down....i can't lead myself into a mess again...

I do not expect anyone to understand me..besides my family of course...
But yeap, all i can say, situation hasn't been the same ...

I'm more paranoid... YES! I'VE BEEN OVER PARANOID...OVER THE WRONG THINGS...OR SHALL I SAY PARANOID OVER THE THINGS THAT ALL OF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT...

I don't like leaving my mum home alone at times...especially when i know i can just stay home.. Cause i know how lonely it can me to be inside a house that you call home..but yet you're all alone.

I'm gonna reveal myself a bit to you..bloggy! I've a serious attitude problem...i love my dad..i really do! I don't know...can i say...i'm kind of not over the fact...that i remembered the day he told me..he can no longer spend time with me or pamper me..or bring me out as often... Then starts the bad communication..
I'll miss him when he's not at home..and i feel bad..when i know he's working so hard... but he never hesitates to hand me money... I would want to talk to him so bad...have a real conversation..but when he does...i tend to answer him rudely sometimes..and only start being nice like 5 minutes later... I'm a horrible child? YES i am...

I'm an emotional freak? Totally am.

I'm not a perfect girlfriend either... I'll only be nice when he gives me stuff..brings me out..etc... but then soon after...i'll give that stupid face.. Nope..it's not my "period" issue..it's just me.. But we won't end up fighting...i'll get the scolding...and i'll be guilty as charged...and then life goes on.. Thanx you! He's working night shift today..he ends at 8 a.m tomorrow...but he's still going to company me for my morning interview...feeling so horrible!

When i company my mum to shop, i'll do it at times for my personal benefit, i'll grab biscuits, tidbits and ice cream... My mum won't mind, as long as i'll don't waste it. But i've to admit...i tend to grab too many at times..and she still doesn't say a word...like today...i grab a whole lots of snack! All she said was, "you're like a small kid who is so jakun go shop...and go gag over a tidbits!"
Okay conclusion, i'm a spoilt brat.

I don't know what is up with my current post...i know it's a bit rojak. But i'm kinda distracted now...can't think straight. Think i'll have an early night, so hopefully...i'll start studying please..then can prepare and go off.

It's all worth a smile,
Are you willing to walk a mile,
For that someone, whom you loved,
Be a sweety pie, and at least try.

As nervous as i am,
I feel like crushing a can,
But then again, i shall not,
For i'm worth more than that,
Therefore i shall not step so low.

Signing off,
Nur Hida Sulaiman.

Alhamdullilah... shine a light

2011-03-23T02:33:00.000-07:00

Thank you. Thank you. Thanx, mum and thanx you..for always including me in your prayers. Thanx to daddy too...i may not know...but i'm sure he includes the family in his prayers too...

Alhamdullilah, i've pass through the first interview...and i'm going for my second tomorrow. Just at the point when i was just about to give up and just turn to whatever jobs that i'm being offered or jobs that i know i've higher chances in getting the job.

Hopefully, things will be fine tomorrow...insya-allah...

I know who i am, i know i am not smart, i know all i have is that private diploma that may not worth anything.... i know that i do not have the perfect grades for my 'O'levels... Oh wait..i do not even have a diploma yet... I've got to retake my Accounts paper... I don;t wanna get started ranting about that now. I've still not gotten my result for another 2 modules...i really hope...that i had got through the last 2 modules... I've gotten myself bad enough having to retake my Accounts paper.

Talking about my Accounts paper...i do not even know where and how i should start...i do no know how i am supposed to study or from who i should get help.

I'm worried about so many things now...

I just wanna start helping the family too....

Ya allah, hopefully...i'll be able to work and start a career in a line and industry that i've been interested in since young... Insya-allah...i'll be able to pursue my degree in Comms, Marketing or even Admin... Okay, plans for studies later on...

Now need to focus on getting a job..

I need to start studying soon...

To whom it may concern...my group of friends.... whom i've not met for a while..and whom i'm supposed to meet and pass my presents too... I'm so sorry..i've just been really down... I don;t know what to say and what to do... Once i'm more settled with myself...i'll join you once again... I'm sorry...i really am... I hope i didn't get anyone of you mad or dissapointed. I do miss all of you.

That's all for now..

Signing off,
Nur Hida Sulaiman.

What's up?

2011-03-22T05:23:00.000-07:00

What's up? I have no idea what is up.

he's truly concern about me. a concern which i do not know how to reciprocate...no matter how bad or rude i've been...he stand me...why... even mummy says i got to take a rain check on my attitude...and he has seen everything... is he just blinded...or does he really care..?

The truth. I am waiting for glee to start. Do not know why i am just letting my fingers being the main transmitter of the thoughts in my brain. Oh maybe..i'm just allowing myself to be imaginative and letting myself know that maybe just like glee...soon enough everyone will shine on their own...and things will flow the way they plan it to be.

I'm sorry..but for sure..this post i;m just ranting away..

Who decides on what is true,

How do i know if i should,

I'm getting myself all confused.

Emotions are messed up,
A point where i can't figure it out,
I feel so wrong, but i know it's right,
Once again who decides.

I'm a mess,
A damsel in distress,
I smile,
As it's the only free thing in the world.

I'm a spoilt princess,
Who just don't really give a damn about anyone else,
Anyone, but her family, friends and maybe you.

How is it that i don't give a damn but actually want to gives a care to everyone she loves.
I'm confused, i'm rude.
I'm angry for being angry.
I don't play fair unless i love you.

I feel really bad.
Cause i'm not able to do everything for you,
When all i wanna do, is give the world to you.

This should be my last for the day.

Signing off,
Nur Hida Sulaiman.

How to be happy?

2011-03-22T03:16:00.000-07:00

Recent events, has just brought a lot of thoughts to me... I already had enough on my mind, but i just keep adding on to my misery.

When you were a kid, and some adult ask you, what do you wanna be when you grow up... & with so much passion and enthusiasm you answered..."i wanna be a model, a doctor, a lawyer, a princess!'.

As for me, i would always say the same thing, that is ...either acting or get myself working in a high-end hotel & earning an executive position before i'm 30. I admit i did say i wanted to be a lawyer, a singer...a police-girl... then i realised...it's not possible to be so many things at one time. So i thought to myself..maybe i should just act...acting helps you discover so many things...diiferent views...different opinions..and a different side of life. I'm not blaming anyone..but i guess i was exposed to the Perfroming Arts a bit too late...in secondary school..i got my chance,,,i didnt get any major lead roles at first..but then..soon i did...and thought it's not as easy as it looks..i love it..i really...do... Performing is not something that me and my friends have in common..but they still stood by me and cheered me on when i got on stage... Theatre still excites me a lot...it really does...there's really so much to learn in theatre... Every single time i see a play..i'll wonder..many things..like...how are the characters alive? Without realising...some things...you simply ain't allowed to say in life...you;re allowed to express yourself in acting. If only life was as easy as theatre...then everyone would well-deserved their happy ending right?

Then i somewhat grew up...i knew i had to choose...as much as that theatre opportunity open up to me...i gave it up... & wanted to be realistic..and said...lets earn that big pay...ida! Let's work at that hotel..then i can buy mum whole lots of stuff... The point when i really grew up..and realised it's not as simple... Frankly..right now..i'm too scared to even try.... As much as i wanna expose myself...i really literally afraid to face the light...

Heard the saying..."Be the change you want to see in the world"?...well start small... & be the change that you want to see in your own life. Yes, it's easier to say than to actually do it..but it's worth a try right?

At the end of the day, i don't know what i'm trying to say... I just need to clear all these bubbles in my head..

I consider myself to still be the best actor in my life...as i'm still able to give everyone that smile that they would want or expect from me...

I'm still me..just different.

Signing off,
Nur Hida Sulaiman.

Ain't Easy...

2011-03-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

At times it just ain't easy to just talk it out, cause there's always times when your emotions is all so messed up and you, yourself do not know what's going on. People tend to tell you...talk about it, express yourself, even i myself would tell that to my friends, but it's the point when i do not judge and i just would give my honest opinion or the situation looks like from my point of view... Then i move on. I believe everybody has their own perception on what is best for their life.

However, i'm so used to just listening to people's rantings & problems, then somehow it's just leading me to just sitting in a corner & smiling to everything. I'm going to continue smiling as a fake proof that i'm okay. There's lots of things on my mind...in fact there's a whole lot of scrabble going on in my brain right now...

Yeah sure, i've a boyfriend, i'm supposed to be able to tell him about anything and everything right...
But i'm at the point of life, where i do not want to burden anyone...anyhow. Yes, he cheers me up, he has ways of brightening my day. But in the end, when i am back home in my own world, my random deep-thinking thoughts just start flowing.

Yes i love my friends, they're dependable... they're lovely people... But again, who am i to barge in their lives and start ranting. I don't deserve that privilege. They've a life of their own.

I'm a mess, a horrible mess. I do not know where is my stepping stone. Pretentious is all i can be now. I've regrets i do...i've dissapoint important people in my lives before... But one thing for sure, it's not stopping me from moving on...as the journey open my path up to meet wonderful people whom i've make friends with...

I used to think, nothing is sweeter than life than Candy, Family & Friends. I still think soo... but i guess i'm on new self-discovering "journey" for my "Candy".

I'm not interested in being a hypocrite, so whatever i said, if it stab your heart, forgive me. But hey, you gotta stop pondering why there's even people who want to even try and stab you... and maybe..just maybe, you should start thinking have you ever step on people's toes before.. Our shoes size maybe similar, but that don't mean we walk or run the same way. You may run faster than me, but i could walk myself into an even better adventure. I sound like giving up, maybe i am...maybe i'm not.. But one thing for sure...i'm still trying to find myself a stepping stone.

Pretentious as i may be...
Life's still wonderful...
As the Earth stilll rotates...
The Moon still shines beside the stars...
And after every rainy day, you'll see a rainbow...
Appreciate life even when you're down.

Signing off,
Nur Hida Binte Sulaiman.

Got lost in my own world.

2011-02-22T05:04:00.000-08:00

Time's passing really fast....
I'm beginning to like just staying home...although mostly it's because...mum will give me the stare cause i'm still coughing & sneezing & my temp is a rollercoaster ride... Now my finger is really dry...& my skin is peeling in a really painful way.

Anyway...yeap..i'm enjoying all the time i get to just stay at home... Call me a lazy ass...YES I AM...
But i don't know...i guess i just don't have to force myseld or drag my ass to sch...
I wanna work..but nah..NOT YET.

I'm always daydreaming these days..though i appreciate my family & friends & all that i won & loving now...but i've always ponder..maybe if i was born wif a silver spoon life will be better and easier... and most probably..i'll still be that spoilt princess even at the age of 20..

Basically my confidence & self-esteem is pretty low now.
I give up.
Time for meds.
A temp BYE for now...BEAUTIFUL WORLD.

Nur Hida signing out.

2010-10-19T19:41:00.000-07:00

It's tiring enough to hate you, it's way more tiring to hate your actions. Start appreciating her, before i blurt every single thing i know. I may still be immature to you, but you'll start to remorse & regret once i blurt everything out. You cause major pain to the one who brought you up. You do not know, cause you're not home most of the time.
I'm pretty protective of her. So please turn over a new leaf, compared YOU to the rest of us, we have the humilty, we're remorse if we have ever hurt her before, we try to make things up to her...& we're always try not to be SELFISH with her.
We're in a LIFETIME DEBT with her.
Think about it.
Which is why at times, i refuse to stay at home. You're the once causing the chaos, i've got to be the one who has to understand & share the pain.

I refused to grow up at times.

Nur Hida Sulaiman.

One thing after another

2010-10-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

Oh, dear god, whatever trials you puttin me into right now... im not strong enough.. but i'll get over it..i guess... Just show me that bit of hope please...
im hurtin myself...im so lost...

For crying out loud...

2010-10-18T06:23:00.000-07:00

I guess at times, its just nice to really type it out. As much as i just wanna talk it all out so i can mumble & mumble... If people ask me why, all i can say is "i don't know..." i really don't

I don't know why i became so vulnerable. This sux, it really does...
I miss having real friends to stress out with, i miss sharing with them the latest gossips in class, i miss having buddies in class, i miss being scolded & nagged at just so i'll study..
Don't be mistaken i do have friends, i do..in fact they're really lovely people..
Just that i dont think i've the right to barge in their lives with my stupid emotional issues..

I thought i got over the current situation that i'm at... But i didnt
I've lost my interest, i dont know what to do, i simply dont wanna grown up.. I used to tok about what i wanna do & where i wanna go... But now its like i want time to freeze, i dont wanna move on...
I'm too freaking sensitive to let my surroundings affect me... I'm a person dependent on my friends. Without them i seem like a nobody... I've no identity...i lost myself..

I screw up big time, once again im gonna dissapoint my mum...im sorry..i really...am...
How i wish i could be simple & just not think too much.......

I screw up, i bet i'll say i do better...but...i'm not sure if i really do it..

Oh god...please help me,..i've not beeen very loyal & obedients...but just let me know that i've still have hope... thanx....

Nur Hida signing out.

it's been a rollercoaster ride...

2010-06-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

I'm back! Feels weird though...i'm so used to all the tweeting of short messages and now im back here. From my last few posts till now, things have change... Me and my friends are leading different lives.... They're happy and i'm just glad to know that fact. Things had happened differently from what i've planned, but i'm glad that i didn't take very long to actually just move on... Thanx to my friends and loves went through and stand my stupid behavior.
I don;t know...i;ve things to say and i do know that it's too late..
What i just wanna conclude is that...i sincerely hope you guys take care, live happily... Cause i think slowly we're realising that we're growing up... Things are bound to get more challenging...but i know we're as strong as we can be.
Whatever may comes, no matter how rarely we meet, no matter how we're updated about each other lives, please just remember the moments that we had. Even if nothing change, just remember.

I don;t which to continue typing as i've to turn in soon and i don;t wanna go on typing things that are just too deep..

Nites loves.
Nur Hida signing off.

Late Post. But still best wisher to my sexy Mell-0!

2010-03-03T22:41:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Mell-0! I know this is a late post, and i also know that this is like a belated wish. But i still mean HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELL-O! U've reach the Big 2 and yoU are no longer a teen. Stay happy and sexy. Hope all your fun wishes and dreams come true. Take care gurl. I know it has been some time since we met, hehe..i still remember!

So yea...that's all i wanted to post people. Take care. Wish me luck and pray that i'll get through my finals. :) Thanx luvs.

Nur Hida

argg!!

2010-02-26T08:14:00.001-08:00

U NEVER 2 ACT LIKE THAT! U NVR FAIL TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A FAILURE...UF U TINK U'RE HELPINH ME...WELL...GUES WHAT U R JUST KILLING MY SELF-ESTEEM!
THIS WAY I'LL RATHER NOT EARN THIS USING YOUR METHOD.... BECAUSE OF HER...IM playing cool...

Must it be now...?

2010-02-26T06:07:00.000-08:00

I'm the youngest but everyone in this house is getting me worried for them. It's pretty saddening, i do love you...but you don't notice how much headaches im having. Which why sometimes i refused to stay home...

Video Failed!

2010-02-18T04:54:00.000-08:00

Will be graduating soon. IS0804Q will soon go separate ways. Leading their own lives and move on to a better future & making a difference in the society.

People who has literally manage to reveal the different sides of me, people who has been there for me,people who tolerated my nonsense.

I thank you for letting your existence in my life.

I treasure every moment we had and am going to have.

Haha, that's the message that i wanted to convey but failed to do so...geez! im so like mood out right now! niwae...exams n projects not even done yet...wannna feeling2 grad! haha! whee... but its more fun tis wae...u actually forgot abt e exams for a while!

Anyway i wanna Congratulate the Chumps of Chunky Monkey as we're officially done with PR! Yeah, good job/kudos for the Press Conference & Presentation today! You guys did good!I'm sorry if i was not at my best today. But still Thanx for every effort you've put it into the project! Love you people as you rawkks!

Alright tommorrow ISQ @ BG, yeah! Let's have loads of fun and eat! Whee...i'm excited for tmr...but i hate the waiting time till tmr's event.

Till then, as usual yall take care, Luvs!

Nur Hida signing off.

Will we be where we wanna be?

2010-02-16T05:39:00.000-08:00

I wanted to give a proper update but somehow, i've lost the sanity to do so.

Still i feel like saying, i'm mad, i'm pissed, but yet i'm happy.

Nur Hida signing off.

It came clear how the Arts cheers me up. :)

2010-02-04T01:30:00.000-08:00

First Step.

2nd Step

Step 3

Final Step.

I feel like punching someone.
But don't feel the way i do, it's a horrible feeling.
TC,luv. Sleep on it, and it's all over.

Nur Hida signing off.

Dr Dre's

2010-02-03T03:26:00.000-08:00

Once written, can't be erased.

Nur Hida signing off.

U're stronger than that.

2010-01-26T05:46:00.000-08:00

Hey, i've been there and i know how it feels. It's a great fall...i know,it's a regret i know. But at least you knew that YOU DID UR BEST, YOU DIDN'T GIVE UP, YOU WENT ALL THE WAY. And just because you did not get the outcome you want...you're giving up. You got big dreams, you seriously think it will be smooth-sailing all they way? That ain't life sadly. But you got to start loving the challenges and overcome them. You've earned my respect for being brave enough to after your dreams.... but now you're giving up just like that.... Remember... Life's a stage, you'll never know what surprises you get...and you'll never know what's the ending if you wont stay.

Good luck. my young friend. i've said my piece, it's all up to you now. One day, i hope to see you where you truly belong.

Nur Hida signing off.

A Fishy Birthday

2010-01-24T07:38:00.000-08:00

From Baiz Blog.
We caught about a dozen of fishes [each of them have a name!The names are, Lisa, Jason,Marcus, Robert,Prince, Daisy, Pak/Mak Hitam] and they brought it home to fry it. And i dont even dare to bring it back home.. well after an incident that has happened to me before. So, we did have rounds and rounds of laughter, rounds and rounds of packing up, rounds and rounds of fishing. Ain and Hida got so excited when the rod's bell rang(hehe....ring ding ding, i feel like buying the colorful bells now!). haha! and oh! Happy twentieth birthday, ridhwan and happy waaaaaaaaaay belated nineteenth birthday hida(thanx yall.!!! terpanjat gurl2....got present, haha....i tot for sumbody else....tatz y i so thick-skin!!!). hahaha. and did i tell u why we gave it to you just this year? hmmm, i dont think so.(ya....u've not tell me...so WHEN U GONNA TELL ME?!!!ARGG......don't keep me in suspense..i've a weak heart!) pictures are mostly with me and some are with hida. so, what are u waiting for hida? Sent it to me! (hehe....chill-lax...k...im still hunting for the card reader...so ya....)

Taken from Ain's Blog

and so.. sat was outing/fishing with both darlas + ridhwan.. we actualli had more of a walking from place 2 place rather than fishing.. which in between we played heart attack + police and e murderer(found out another person also melatar!).. ahahx.. realli funny game.. =D and in between of tat, we took 2 cabs + 3 train rides + 2 bus ride.. ahahx.. from marina bay to marine barrage to marina south pier to marina bay again to the long bridge at marina barrage to marina bay and to kallang... and all tat just to fish(sum1 didnt wanna waste e bait...).. =D ahahx.. go figure k.. =D after all e hunting, we finally settle down at kallang to fish.. but it was worth it k.. caught abt 10 fish.. 2 was given by apek next door.. ahahx.. e rest was caught by 4 of us.. ahahx.. if only yall knew where we went to fish.. lots of laughter + jokes.. and plus running to e rod when e rod moved(i'll be on the lookout and the moment i see a movement...i'll be screamin... "AIN!!!")
.. ahahx.. sunburn wasnt alot.. my face turn red until 2day instead of dark brown.. so yup2... make a move at 8.30... reach home at 9.30+++... yeah, actualli i don know hw 2 described la.. so many things happen.. talk in minahs + matrep way to each othe.. =D all funny things happen.. so ya.. next outing is still on e go.. should be next mth.. a few more wks jek.. =D chinese new yr.. =D camping uh.. 3days 2 nite... k mepek.. ahahx.. =D

Whee....comments were written by me...like duh!
im taking a break from whatever! PPT is pissing me off...i miss the PC's efficiency! Today just because my 3rd bro woke up early..he just has to wake me up also...thrashing me with all my soft toys....attempts of pulling me by my leg to get from Point A to Point B! A weird comment by him was "y is her leg so loose?"....my mum replied "her leg sakit".....when me, the owner of the leg felt nothing...k maybe just a lil cramp aite! then as usual me n bro were running all over the house whacking each other....n i kidnapped KONGO(inside joke)! n then everybody buzz off...leaving me all alone at home...at least till lunch time when mummy call me out to EAT!hehehe
Random bloggy....but im craving for honey stars n bubble tea!

screw e blog! keep going against me! pics 2 were from me n e ppl @ e movies!

Nur Hida signing off.

How i've been way way way over there from that dark corner!

2010-01-18T06:39:00.000-08:00

Things been good. Definitely am looking to more...
Treasuring all the time we have as students and friends... NO! It ain't the world, but it's just best to stop for a second and absorb all the positive energy around you...it's so refreshing!
More challenges upcoming!
Going to buck up, but my ti-red is getting on me....
I'm eX-tra sensitive these days, in the sense that i get irritated when i see someone who has the same shoes & bag as i do! Especially in school...haizz....wanna that red adidas bag & the white nike! SO NO-1 BETTER GET THAT BAG BEFORE ME! I LUV THE PPL IN ITE BISHAN...but come on give me happy memories of while im still there!

"and they say i'm a skater gurl"
"she says, wa! really striking lah"
"he says, nak gi skate park eh?!"
"he says, u're a cow! i'll always get reminded of u as a cow!"

im luvin it!

hey sk8ter boi! how u doin?! hope u're survivin there!

Yall take care. I need an organiser to help me in being organised as in the state of my memory...geez....im a mess!

Silent promise from all of you that you will take care n love yourself & your life.
Remember....i ain't near, but i aint far either!
Love yall!!

Nur Hida signing off.

PS: PICS ARE FROM CLASS TRIP TO WATERWAYS & MOVIE OUTIN WIF MY GALS!

yeah!!

2010-01-16T08:50:00.000-08:00

yea!!! kite nak gi picnic!! yeah!!! gonna push yall 2 e sea so i'll die of horrible laughters!!!

i nd a new bag...a new shoe...new HP....new stuffs!
im still looking for mr blue dolphin, if located, pls contact me asap!

bo0 luvs!

LETS DO IT YAW!

2010-01-10T06:32:00.000-08:00

I'm tat cuckoo-head who just did "spring cleaning" in her room form 6-10pm just now" whee!
LETS DO IT YAW! I think it could be due to the coffee i had....too much excess energy!

ANYWAY...im all pump up! n im hopin it'll last me through this 3 months! God...pls help me! hehe...love u!

shh....YALL.........ENJOY N TAKE CARE!

feel like havin cake over at bugis....yum-yum...! will u?

Nur Hida signing off.

im not myself

2010-01-04T07:39:00.000-08:00

The harder you fall, the higher you bounce. Anonymous.

i'm sorry for not being me

That's all i gotta say.

im a MBA for Pretentious in happiness class

2010-01-03T07:06:00.000-08:00

All i wanna do now is fill myself with sugar & caffeine.
Let the emotions flow, without the tears on a roll.

can i ever star anew? im tired...really am.

Stupidity Over!

2009-12-25T05:59:00.000-08:00

The sky is still blue. The sun will still rise. Don't be a fool & live like it's your last! :)

Nur Hida signing off.

What i feel like doing? Letting out everything i'm keeping, sick of this game.

2009-12-24T07:31:00.000-08:00

I used to believe, when i don't, i'll find the most stupid reasons just to believe again. I know, i'm not suppose to wait for miracles, but instead i'm supposed to believe in god and hope. But i've lost it all, i do not know what to depend on. Just when i'm trying to get myself back on track, this happens. I don't blame anyone, it's what you call life. It's not being brave, it's about acting on your instinct, wanting to protect and give your all. It's breaks down to just keeping the smiles on your loved one's. It became all about others, that you forgot about your own life. Am i suppose to continue being strong or can i go weak now.

When one is strong, he has to have his moments of weakness,
If he does not, he simply ain't human,
But he's acting like one.
In truth, he went all numb and soon losing his senses.

My condolences.
I love the fact we're family even though not by blood.
I thank you for keeping me in your heart.
I thank you for keeping strong all this while, though i knew you suffered.
You let go, i guess it's time for us to do so? Even with much reluctance.

The truth, i no longer have the strength to let go. I'm going numb.

2009-12-20T06:09:00.000-08:00

Cirque Du Soleil - Kooza, Wheel of death

Interesting acts at, 1:05, 2:12, 4:00, 5:18, 7:00

Interesting acts at, 1:25, 4:26

Pantomime

2009-12-19T02:26:00.000-08:00

I believe in Miracles, i do, i do.
It may be theatrical, but i choose, i choose,
Even if it's a fantasy, its mine, its mine.

Always look on the bright side of life!
I feel good!

I miss those characters you made up, and let it come to life by making it your own personality! I miss those thick stage make-up whereby at first you'll look silly, but when you make your presence on stage, you look unimaginably good. Haha, i finally learnt how impressive a local theatrical groups can be. Went to watch Beauty & the Beast, and it was AWESOMOUS-SOME! haizzz.....im melting....
Be truthful, fairytales did once filled you with hopes right?

Whee....most pic above are like taken at e airport!!! whee.. :p

Take care Luvs.

My legs went wobbly, melted by his touch, faint at the smell of his perfume and then....i went gaga-ing over him! :)

Feel of Regret, Taste of Life.

2009-12-17T21:03:00.000-08:00

When i was a kid, i'll always wanted to know what the bigger kids were up to & what the adults are thinking. As nobody will tell you anything that is going on. Being kids of course we'll always be curious and wanting to know everything and because of this i had just wish i'll grow up.
But now, i want to be tat little kid who's basically ignorant. As much as i want everything to end, i want it to continue the same time. I know you're suffering but please pull through.

I've been burning hawtt with fever! Its going up then it goes down. Whee. Enough complaining, im gonna take a break. A H-A-P-P-Y BREAK! Gonnna enjoy the play tonight and wont let anyone gets on my nerves which means me being in an extra good mood which will lead me to being nice.

Mummy/Kak Caca! Nasi ayam penyet next wk? :(
hehe...hungry-hungry...

To baiz & unstables...sorry didnt get to join yall. Let's have fun next wk?!

Hopefully by then, everything ends. Miracles happen, that i do wanna believe.

hIda signing off.
TC LUVs. :)

Unwell so shut up!

2009-12-15T06:14:00.000-08:00

Shall start with a piece of advice, if you're unwell, act unwell and forget about eating at Seoul garden. Well i'm unwell and i ate there...it was enjoyable while it last. But afterwards... geez i was walking around...and i felt like vomitting every five minutes yaw! *sidetrack a bit: what is my dad & my bro doin with 2 cars n wires and 3 other people doing?* K, whatever...now i'm seriously worried about my ankle....it hurts for a moment and then it dissapears....argg!!! i rather u torture me straight so i can just get you all wrapped up & have my friends visit me at home then walking around like nothing happened! *t0oT*

k..shut up....its as if my ankle knows i'm talking about it....as it's torturin me!
Hmm....

Summer vacation at airport tmr? heehe... A limousine with 4 doors and 6 cabins! Awesome!

I no longer have the mind to update.

Nur Hida signing off.

2009-12-13T23:04:00.000-08:00

I miss this Lady Gaga of Mine! Come back soon & come back safe pls. & Fizah dear...i hope u're eating well & surviving the weather there!

Yeah. finally an update on the dead blog. But errr....ya...nothing is in my head.... all the above are like way way way belated pics! Whee...
Holidays are okie...except time is moving too fast.
K...LiL B. is having a fever so shut up and buzz off.

Nur Hida signing off.

Okie...i suck! freak head...emo shit!

2009-11-30T05:07:00.000-08:00

K...i suck...i really suck...! THANX ISQIANs for the wishes..etc...im sorry for not reacting the right way!

Truth to be told, November aint exactly been a good month for me, things will get and conquer my mind easily, easier said, i think too much, and today was one of those days, when my mind was simply overload. Thanx to aisah darlo for being there for me at my weakest moments. But then again its pretty stupid of me to let myself down, people always put me as happy-go-lucky..i guess i do miss being that person...and from now on...i'll try to be that person again.... I'll break down when needed....but most of the time i wanna be smiling...
Whee...got it?! Hehe...n to those unfortunate victims of mine...im SORRY for being EXTRA violent...its not the age that's makes me more violent just tat damn energy i've to let out! Hehehehehehehehehehe................

To UnsTabLes, thanx for remembering...hehe...tot yall forget small gurl here! Hehe...i still love you guys like humongously a lot, and yes i know...everyone busy with life... But hey, one of my b-dae wish...is we hang out again...n tok wadver n gossip..hehe SO GO...U NOE WAD 2 DO!

Looking forward to being victims with twin.

I love you people, and i appreciate ur excistence in my life.
Thanx loves.

Dedicated to November Babies, especially Ain't BeLo & Twin!

2009-11-28T19:31:00.000-08:00

Okie, it's my day! Haha...thank god for giving me life, Thank Mummy for your perseverance and effort in giving birth to me! I wanna thank ALL MY FRENS, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU FOR EXISTING IN MY LIFE! I'm not perfect, but with you guys around, i feel like it's already the perfect life.
Not doing much, but i still LOVE YOU, my frens, my beloveds, those close to me, those who's seen my bad and the worse.

Nur Hida signing off.

Got the message?

2009-11-26T05:22:00.001-08:00

im going crazy.

2009-11-26T03:19:00.000-08:00

First things first....TWIN CHEER UP! I LOVE YOU! AISAH N BAIZ I LOVE U TOO..thanx for keeping me company...i needed the leisure time.

Next, im sick and tired of having things on my shoulders, i really wanna throw it all way, people seem to be chilling...and i'm the only one reacting... forget it...less said. Sometimes i just wish we don't grow...as sometimes we grow with irritable attitude.

I'm sorry to those affected by my aura or attitude....i really am. Im gonna cheer up

TO CHUNKY MONKEY! YEAH! PRESENTATION DONE..PROJECT DONE! WHEE....SORRY IF I DIDNT DO MUCH! LOVE YALL MANY-MANY!

nUR HIDA sigNinG oFF..

2009-11-25T03:34:00.000-08:00

2009-11-19T01:03:00.000-08:00

UnsTabLes, i'll meet you soon. SORRY, that things are not well-plan. I am making things hard for myself somehow. But still, i'll promise...we'll meet. :P
That's all.

Okie-aite..now...Let's just Breathe....

2009-10-16T03:49:00.000-07:00

Sign, Sealed, Delivered.

oh...gosh...oh gosh...police...2/2/2010..oh my...oh my...oh my...

stpd fetish...

oh my...oh my...

hehehehehehhehehehehehehehehe....u don't know?

whe....

hie ain..

hie baiz

hie huda

hie mel

hie vas

hie nura

hie shaiful

hie naz

hie iyliaq

hie aisah

hie fizah

hie nani

hie fifi

hie TWIN!

hie yall!!!
like wanna hug all of you 2gather ya!

I'm going back to FB. (edited)

2009-10-13T03:45:00.000-07:00

Today's like my first day of my new term in school. Actually i should say it's like the first day for most ISQ-ians. Don't jealous yall. We simply believe that we're special! Niwae, w0w new term, it felt weird & crazy. Whatever issues face today is all under wraps, i mean like it ain't a big thing! Sorry to those i went crazy & random on. Forgive me. Timetable is crazy! Maybe we've been too pampered the previous terms, going home early n stuffs. So far, maybe it's because it's a start of the new term, so i'm feeling pretty okay, like things still can be solved. But for the upcoming episodes, haha i really don't know! I'm gonna try my best, but hey. I confess, to certain things i might be a hYpocrite! I'm doing it for fun, but some of you do understand my situation! :) My books seems nicer! But whee....i saw lots of people yawning today in class!

Hehe, note im going to Floorball training tmr....whee! Great...gotta pack my bag soon! Im glad to be a student...whee.. :) *rand0m*

Random:

I possesed a "Drumstick" & "Chicken Wings"

Bimb0...oh...oh..

Dumb0...oh...oh....

Cheap0.....oh...oh...

To those involved, don't sweat it. I'm looking on the bright side of life...k...don't think so deep...im just gonna be happy with whatever school shit that's coming our way. Unknowingly 2010 is gonna visit us...so yeah....

Birthdays...birthdays...birthdays...oh gosh...im luvin e fact i've many friends...but oh my.....im like one crazy entertainer..! hee,...actually im just tat extra irritating fo0l!

Smile to Success! (NO COPYRIGHTS aite.....belongs to Crea-Teeth now...im e smilley employee!) hehe...hope we'll work together in smiles!

Nur Hida Signing off.

Luvin tat HungRy L0ok!

2009-10-10T22:15:00.000-07:00

Saw the second pic LuvS & pe0pLe? Hehe, if only my dad or my bro will really get me the card? But nah...in my dreams...! Niwae, i'll be really spoilt if tat happens...not gonna let that happen!

Currently my stomach is making music waiting for mummy to cook my most un-favourite dish ever! Haizz.... feel like eating ramen. Geez.

K....for the past few days, i've been out......out travelling from one end to another end of sg. Outta being a nuisance bein a company n an irritate people all day long.

Im not gonna go into detail cuz i suck at doing so unless it happens 5 mins ago. So be smart at facebook me to like er....ya....."admire" the pics yaw!

Daddy says, "you want to eat, just eat....don't wanna eat rice also can just eat".

Mummy says, "eh...bongok! haizz...i wann watch tv lah....sane!"

1st bro says, "gurl, u're getting older, when wan take lesen?!"

2nd bro says, "gurl, still got potato chips? help me take! is this the only flavor?"

3rd bro says, " eh bodoh, hehe, eh..kinder bueno finish ready?!"

Hehe, miss having my own family gathering, its weird how i am able adapt to all these moods/diff energy levels in one day or like everyday. Not complaining cause in my family its kinda weird to be really silent when all are in one room! I miss e steamboat at home...where we'll be hunting for the meat & prawns! n my mummy will be lazy to cook her own meat...

haizz....goodness....besides my mum n dad....its interesting how rare i see my br0s even though we live in e same house.... When i start school it will be more rare.... but e irritating moments are not rare though! d0ts....Random thought..but w0w raye finish ready???!! so fast! heehe...kinda good oso...back to school though!

I can't wait to graduate, though i fear. But am thinking just treasure whatever school time is left, as next year all my crazy & fun ppl are like gonna be ________________. All busy wif their own stuff.

I miss theatre, i miss acting, i miss the stage, i miss all those friends i made through acting. I miss my talented juniors too.

Yall take care luvS.

The End.

Nur Hida signing off.

2009-10-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

As Life goes on.....

2009-10-04T20:38:00.000-07:00

As days go on i've learnt to appreciate and treasure. Recent events have given me a wake-up call. As much i hate to admit it, there will be a time when _____ will be gone. I understand the true meaning when one said they wish they could freeze time. This has taught me one ugly truth and that is i'm not strong! Not strong enough to brave whatever bad encounters in the future. Because i am one who wish and wants to believe in a perfect family. As many imperfections make one perfect. For sure, i do want to be the one with no regrets. Whatever comes along, at the end of the day, i want to face it with a smile.

This is pretty random i know, but some things has been hunting me day & night. Maybe like what mummy said, i tend to think too much.

Take care luvs.

Luv yall.

Nur Hida signing off.

2009-10-03T01:04:00.000-07:00

I'm dark, and i am freaking paranoid about it! Argg!! Getting on my nerves! Niwae, just a preview of yesterday raya's wif UnsTabLes. More at facebook, so if you're bored or you wanna get hold of the pics, just check it out on facebook aite. I'm sorry that not all was there to join us yesterday, so ya niwae, tmr it's Farliana's open house, then MAYBE we're heading to Mc On's house too after that. So ya...text Ain if you wanna join. I really wanna see US together again.

I trust you as much as you trust yourself. That's the only way you'll see and listen.

Inside/Weird Joke: My 3rd bro looks like me? Like What?!!!

Take care and i'll see yall soon. Luv U.

Nur Hida signing off.

A YuMmy-LicioUs Raye

2009-09-30T22:19:00.000-07:00

30th September 2009 was a day for ISQians to raye together...like finally!! Lovely people, Nura, Aisah, Feefi, Ida, Julie, YaniepuL(hehe, i 4got ur bf name), A-zie, Fauzi, Naz, Hanis.

Im not one who's good in explaining the details unless it happen just five minutes ago. Hehe...mayb i'll update the details by "copyright" from someone's blog if i can find any.

K....the truth. i was not in the moood to raye because of my sleepless nights,lack of rest etc.. The fact that im DARKer NOT TANNED....also bothers me...my face is filled with dry skin. Skin peeling off...etc...

Good way of starting the journey when at the 1st house is to serve them yummy chicken and an adrenaline charge of coke. Hehe,,then followed by yummy mee soto at e 2nd house. The spongebob, yat's nice housing concept, iRuL's mummy Yummy choco CF & BROWNIES.THEIR luvin sis. Huge house....etc.. There are so many things that i just wanna copy & paste from yall and make it mine perfect story. There was a "minta-maaf" session at the end of e day, N IM SORRY FOR NOT SAYING ANITIN WHEN U WERE SAYIN LOTS OF TINGS TO ME! Im not used to this,another reason is also because it gets my emotions better of me. BUt still..ya..forgive me k!

Anyways, thanx to all for the lovely day.

K...let the pics do the talking...its time to get ur imaginations running again! Enjoy peeps!

UnsTabLes....i'll c yall tmr?!

cREDITS to 3rd bro... for helping me out yesterdae nite...im gonna get u e Kinder Bueno. Of course my "cute" mummy too.

K..tired...undisturbed sleep is what i need.

Signing off, Nur Hida.

Preview. Am Totally missing the hunks,ladies!

2009-09-28T20:57:00.000-07:00

K...total preview of Everything that is anything. Hehe...anything please log on to Facebook.

The people i work with during f1...etc...

Whee...K....my nose is bugging me again.

My ears are still kinda extra sensitive to engine noises. I still ain't sure about things.

Im stress out enough. I want the days of me smiling and laughing 24/7.

Boogie Wo0gie, UnsTabLes, ISQ, Darls, Scandals, Friends & Enemy i miss you.

However only approach me if you need a listening ear or good news. If not...please don't add to my unwanted stress. Thanx.

School...is making my shouders extra heavy.

However Mr Tahir kinda inspired me.

So ya.....just get the mountains over and done with.

Yall take care please, i'll promise to keep smiling if you do so.... Will meet yall up so0n! :)

Nur Hida signing off.

Hehe.....*preview* Copyright from JAKUN's Blog. Credits to Zombie a.k.a Twin a.k.a Hidayah.
i have been busy for the past three days.
not only me.
aisah, nani, fizah and twin were busy too.
not forgetting the other isqians who are
involved in the f1.
only the 5 of us were stationed at the
Pit Grandstand.

+

Gate A16: Twin
Gate A17: Me and nani
Gate A18: Fizah and Aisah

+

Quite close ryte our gates?
nyehehe.
we had tonnes of fun and laughter.
we had made new friends.
from the
Yishun guys to the
toilet girls to the
Cisco guarding the gates to the
supervisor to the
Bishan people to the
ang mohs. :)

New Friends, New Experience, Same idiots.

2009-09-27T19:34:00.000-07:00

Wello people! I think i kinda miss ya..k...fine...i do MISS YOU!

Sorry to UnsTabLeS for not joining yall for the Fuzy's open house.

And so....

Last 3 days, i was present for the F1 event NOT as a spectator/patron but as a _____________________ a.k.a Usher. It was still a great experience working with all the great people including my Twin, Aisah Darl, Fizah Dear, Honey Nani, Famous "Amos", "Boifie" Morgan, Wee2 Wee Keong. K, just to let you know i've really bad Short-Term-Memory, so for those i've not mentioned or give thanks to...i'm so sorry.

25th September 2009
1st day of the F1 race, got to know people/place etc.....the same details...lalaalalalalalalalalalaa.... Went crazy wif felllow people....k..fine..im one who loves to jump around and just be really random to people...im not one who can stay in one location for too long and not doing anything! I think i was on crazy, UnsTabLe, Lunatic, Blur, Deaf whatever you can think of.....i was like having personality split now and then. What to do...i am kinda shy k! Having a look at the different races, cute/adorable/hawt cars was AWESOME, met interesting, "pretty"/hawt people.
irritating freak existed.

26th September 2009

People commented that when i smile, its like a cheeky/cunning smile. But i was NOT on EVIL mode. Haizz, i'm being misunderstood. Promised person to wear Contacts on the next day, his eyes is too dazzlin to not make the promise. *winks*

27th September 2009

So sad......but wow the crowd! Wore contacts on this day,,,took photo with person. Person's perfume is nice! Priceless expression by freak. AMOS COOKIES BY FAMOUS AMOS! HUMONGOUS THANX TO YOU DUDE!

K....boring post..i noe...im waitin for pics..so chill-lax...

Im so hungry.

Now all day long im extra sensitive to motor vehicles engines.

Moments i'll never forget.

Nur Hida signing off.

Luvs & Miss you people.

truth: too lazy to type words.

Hey,hO....

2009-09-24T04:32:00.000-07:00

Hey, Happy Belated B-dae to Baiz & Huda.

Yall are missed and maybe we'll meet up soon.
Niwae..err...ya...

not in e mood.
Zip zAp!
Shush.
Take Care Luvs.

Memories Lock, Time Gone.

Nur Hida signing off.

2009-09-22T18:03:00.000-07:00

YEAH GRAND-DADDY HAS BEN DISCHARGES FROM HOSP! WHEE.

standing on a plank.

Zoom....! Bang2! Jeng2!

2009-09-21T20:26:00.000-07:00

2009-09-15T02:01:00.000-07:00

What you busy with? Chores/sleeping? im busy with both... and im totally craving for cookies! n i cant wait 2 SERANG PPL HOUSE AND EAT UP ALL THE YUMM FOOD...

Mummy say...fri/sat go market....k...im use 2 market...but this time its WET market.... im PAMPERED aite! its ok...once a yr...arggg!!!!!!!

time passes so fast not knowing why...

2ND Bro say i've been a lot...bet i've put on weight...

too bad....i DID NOT PUT ON WEIGHT..I ALSO DIDNT LOSE ANY SADLY....maintained...boo...

Is it really the holidays? Don't feel like its one...everyone seems like a busy bee!

Nur Hida signing off.

How I Tried To Live.....

Still waiting patiently...

Can WE really withstand time please?

Day 28: My mind playing tricks with me...

Day 25: Will you keep your promise? Stick with me will you?

Day 24: I miss your loving... Times when i really need your warmth...

Day 21: I miss you taking care of my meals...

Day 20: I've lost track of time... i'm holding on to faith and hope..

Day 17: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU!

Day 16: What am i suppose to say...

Day 15: I feel so lost, i miss your wise words to me...

Day 14, all better & safer with you...

Day 13 - What we had flowed back to me so naturally...

Day 12: No, you don't know how i feel or how much i miss you now.

Day 11, Missing you much? Missing you lots!

Day 9, how are you?

I'm living with a cold heart...

I wanna play fair..i deserve to LOL too right?

Day 7

Ending of Day 6

Here's a true fact about me...

Day 5 Part II - Ending...

Day 5: Finally had a good sleep, i hope you did too..

I'll cheer up...

Can i depend on anyone right now?

Paranoia getting over me...

I'm trying to be strong for you...

Day 3 Only you on my mind & in my heart

Day 2 without you..

It used to be so much easier...

I can't turn myself numb for him, but i'm literally numb for anything else...

I'm happy, really am... sincerely am. No more excuse...

Uneasy and Lost.

"What is right and What is Wrong?"

I think i'll be alright...

Alhamdullilah... *shine a light*

What's up?

How to be happy?

Ain't Easy...

Got lost in my own world.

One thing after another

For crying out loud...

it's been a rollercoaster ride...

Late Post. But still best wisher to my sexy Mell-0!

argg!!

Must it be now...?

Video Failed!

Will we be where we wanna be?

Dr Dre's

U're stronger than that.

A Fishy Birthday

How i've been way way way over there from that dark corner!

yeah!!

LETS DO IT YAW!

im not myself

im a MBA for Pretentious in happiness class

Stupidity Over!

What i feel like doing? Letting out everything i'm keeping, sick of this game.

Cirque Du Soleil - Kooza, Wheel of death

Pantomime

Feel of Regret, Taste of Life.

Unwell so shut up!

Okie...i suck! freak head...emo shit!

Dedicated to November Babies, especially Ain't BeLo & Twin!

Got the message?

im going crazy.

Okie-aite..now...Let's just Breathe....

I'm going back to FB. (edited)

Luvin tat HungRy L0ok!

As Life goes on.....

A YuMmy-LicioUs Raye

Preview. Am Totally missing the hunks,ladies!

New Friends, New Experience, Same idiots.

Hey,hO....

Zoom....! Bang2! Jeng2!

Alhamdullilah... shine a light