Dear,
I don't know how to start...but i'm glad...i really am... i'm glad i'm able to see you today... Frankly i was only mentally prepared to like go with your brother... but with Mother? hmm... that's a lot to take in... As randomly the night before i went to see you, your bro told me to give mother a call, she wanted to talk to me about you... I PANICKED BIG TIME!!! But in the end...i called her... it was a short & sweet convo.. Somehow the only thing that calm me down, was when she said, "aLi pesan suroh ajak hida pergi skali..." *blushing* bluek! You're the sweetest to me!
So in the end you know that your bro overslept, so i end up with mother ALONE...but yeah...at least mother's nice..really nice.... The visit was funny...wasn't it? i felt so mentel..and i think you were kinda mentel too.. i mean...WE were like giggling and smiling but didn't really say anything!!! I can't keep my eyes off you definitely!!! Dear, but though we didn't say much to each other, you just gave me the assurance that you'll be back for me... you gave me the feeling that you're not gonna let me go no matter what.. though you did say, if i found someone better..blablabla..you'll let me go if i wanna... But something just gave me the feeling that you somehow rather me stay..and stay for good! But i knew for sure, though we didn't say much to each other... we somehow knew what was on each other's mind!! Frankly, i think i didn't talk much cause i fear that i may break down in front of you... and i don't wanna do that... and I knew YOU were acting strong too... We're just stubborn egoistic ass who refuse to reveal our true emotions! I felt sad too...cause i knew and you even said yourself that on the outer layer..you may be laughing/smiling but inside...?
Mother really misses you and loves you a lot ...Dear! I'm still wondering though...why is it that though i'm just beside mother...why you couldn't ask me straight if i would wanna come along on the next visit?! Why you had to tell mother..to remember to ask me ... hmm?!! But you're still cute...really cute! & i'm really am in love with you! I realise one thing...when i recalled anything about you..i'm just happy. Conclusion? I'm happily in love with you..so be nice to me! i'm already missing you.. Dear..when you tell me that you could probably end earlier..i was literally on cloud 9.. cause i want to be with you so bad... Dear, i probably should update you that mother was asking me if i actually knew the actual story...and all i said was that i ain't sure. Then she open up to me a little...and she broke down in front of me.. this time i didn't panick, cause i could understand how she felt..and she just needed to express herself out.. thank god, i controlled myself to be stronger for a little more while... though mother cried only for a while.. still... it was a shocking moment for me. OOh...yeah..i'm not sure if you noticed...but there was a few times...when mother wanted to leave the room so both of us can have our own private convo.. but i stop her from doing so... cause i knew i'll be speechless...cause if i talk..i'll probably get emotional and break down..and make you worry about me.. I don't want that... i don't want you worrying about me..all i want is you to keep your promise to me... I really want to be back in your arms... I'll only be sincerely happy and safe...when i'm back in your arms, and this time promise me you'll not leave me again ..please...
PS: I read the letter...that one sentence from you...is enough to make my eyes teary...but i still manage to controlled... but "i miss you" is enough to let me know that i cross your mind and somehow you still had me in your heart! :)
Missing you much, Loving you lots,
Nur Hida Sulaiman
