Dear,
Can imagine you nagging at me now.. Okay, i know i said i will take my meds, but somehow i tend to forget... you know how forgetful i can be right... heh, i am taking my medicines but only when i tend to feel the pain in my throat... It's so weird how COKE can actually feel so acidic down my throat.. haizz.. My weekend...weekend...it's has and somehow will always be a lazy weekend. I've been having weird dreams lately, but i think probably i've been thinking of you too much when i'm home...then somehow when i fall asleep...my mind plays trick on me via my dreams. My posts is getting shorter? I know... I used to go through every single part of the day... thinking of you and wanting to tell you so much that i grew tired... i grew tired of NOT being able to tell you... NOT able to get a response.. NOT able to turn to you for advise... So basically, if i could i'll just go through the day as per normal try as hard as to keep you out of my mind, even though i miss you. Things that i feel as if i'm keeping to myself... cause nobody cares, and it's okay...i don't need pretentious concern from anyone no more, as much as i'm only 1/2 alive, i'll be strong for myself. Remember how once you'll tell me, that life is harsh.. probably i've not been through much, but in terms of relations...friends..i think i probably i know better. Reality did catch up on me i guess.. maybe i've not gone through any major mountain yet... but probably the relations that means the most to me...the relation whom i'm able to be there for them..are not able to do the same. Which is why i dared to say, i 'm strong but only 1/2 alive. Due to my off yesterday (Saturday) i realise how much work has actually kept me distracted and takes up my time in a good way... Next saturday will be my off too.. i probably should come up with something, even if it's a solo activity. I'm a saggitarius, probably the weakest one ever, i'm not able to be left alone and not do anything, as i would seriously have a mental breakdown and be emotionally disturb. I....frankly i think probably i been torturing myself too... As much as even Mummy reminds me to take my meds if not i'll end up going for OP like my bros..and it will also reduce the risk of me having frequent headaches and fever that i'm having.. i've been avoiding meds, feeding myself, with chocs, sweets and spice.. then take a nap when i feel feverish..and be really grumpy when i've a bad headache. Even at work, i would still feel feverish and have frequent headaches. Basically i just want to let you know, no matter how good a facade i can put up, i'm not happy... i really am not. I forgot how is it to have happy laughters naturally...
My friends are eager to meet you somehow, but i told them you're too busy with life to even meet me.... how would you set the time to meet them...
One even told me, to take care of myself, if not YOU will be worried and probably get angry too if i don't.... She just randomly said that to me.. Well, Mr Fadli...are YOU UPSET? ARE YOU ANGRY? Well, i'm ready anytime to hear you lecturing me.
Life goes whatever to me now,
Nur Hida Sulaiman, One who's ONLY 1/2 ALIVE.
