Dear,
I'm only updating this blog, writing this blog, cause you ain't here to listen to my rambling. So, i'm just pretending you're actually here to listen but not being able to persuade and console me. I went lunch with Maryan & Cally today...surprise? Yeah...we went to the coffeshop behind OG...as usual i went to the malay stall... and guess..what...the mak cik...asked why i only order 1 plate of rice instead of 2... it's a simple question..but guess how emotional i got about it? I leave it to your guess... but it was till the extend...every bite i took was force down my own throat...i didn;t wanna talk..so i just gobbled up when i sat back with M & C... and they did asked me about YOU...and all i could say was that you're on a lonnnnngggg leave, and you won't be coming back any time soon. I felt really bad today...as i feel as if i took Z's customer away... i don;t know... but it doesn't matter..you're not here to advice me.... that's how sucky i feel.. There's so much i want you to clarify with me ...but you just ain't there to do so.. i'm doubting myself..i really...am... i remembered you told me on the 16..that you left home in such a rush..that you forgot to bring lots of things...but you brought at least you brought your passport..and in your passport cover..had our neoprints... I was so glad..you brought them...and it's leaving me thinking and hoping that you'll actually return for me... But i want to know now for sure..due to recent events... i need facts from you. It's day 9, only 356 days left. I'm now doubting you, but i just want to know for sure you'll return... Did you sign up for me my GTA even though i've not started/learn how to use it yet, cause you cared and wanted to lessen my burden..or get me prepared or whatsoever... Did you actually got me the insurance pillow..cause i reminded you of that promise..or you just wanted to do it for the sake of doing it... Why did u pass me your notebook? Just so after carrying and settling you last deals...you leave the details inside... The feeling really sux right now...really does... i remembered most things you said.. i behave myself...i took care of myself..even thought it's only a meal a day...be thankful that i'm still strong... what else you want from me? You ain't here to take care of me..you ain't here to feed me, you ain't here to nag at me, you ain't here to advise me, you ain't here to console me, you just ain't here. I know probably i'm not considering how you feel now... i apologise for that...but i'm not able to shower you with my love and vice versa..so all i know how to do..is complain.... Forgive me, i didn't do it with any ill intentions. PS: Dear, this is really random, but i got this CNX customer..the one i was so worried about..cause he wanted a bargain price..is actually nice..and after he collect hotel voucher...he still can ask me sincerely whether i want anything from there..any souvenirs...etc... He's there now..will be back by end of this week i think? i hope he had a smooth trip there...
Dear, nothing new..but i miss you...i'll miss you everyday in fact... i'm not getting news from your bro yet..so hopefully insya-allah..he'll get back to me... Even if it's just you telling me to be strong...it will last me..yes i'll be greedy for more...but at the end of the day..i'm back to thinking of you. Oooh...ya..by now you notice that we got our name cards ready right? Guess who ABG gave his first name card too..? S-JIEJIE!!! Random right..but yea... i gave mine to mummy..jakun! haha..but my jakun lasted only 10secs.. i thought if they prepared yours..i wanted to steal a few...but they didn't :(. Your seat is still empty... as much as i'm worried they move me again... as much as i adore..you..i literally do not want to get your seat in that office..i don't know how i'll survive... it's like a dog eat dog world in that office.. i maybe exaggerating...but yea! Today...i had last min customer...then when i doing Athena..i was so sleepy..can't think... Cinderella was staring at me..my quotation was right..just that...i was so slow in doing things..she was poking me and telling..me "don't tell me you forget ar..." which i kinda did...oopsy...haha...i tink everyday must get customer then i'll get used to doing Athena..probably i'm putting so much pressure on myself cause i know it's a LIVE system..so i rather have eyes watching my booking..NOT ME..but my booking... even after the customer left...and handing up the invoice etc...i was still staring at the athena booking... staring at it...and just staring at it... but alhamdullilah..it was a smooth process..i think! Only gotta wait for hotel confirmation.
I may be at my weakest moment now, but i'm still trying to make amends... but me giving in does not mean i'll bow to you...got it?
I've a heart that's literally frozen...and only entry to family & friends.
Signing off,
Nur Hida Sulaiman
