Dear,
I need a stepping stone...a stepping stone..to get used to living life without you. You're not able to be here for me, and i can't be there for you. I'm not giving up on us, don't misunderstand me...i'm really not. I'll wait..insya-allah i'll wait... I just need to "refresh" myself... forgetting temporarily what we had.. but i still behave... That's what i promise you, so i will..i will behave. I'm in so much pain that no one knows..no one is able to put themselves in my shoes... i ate a meal a day...if i'm home..i don't eat at all.. but i try to eat a bit..cause i know i can't collapse..not in front of people. As all they need to know is that i'm still strong...and i'm fine. I can force myself to eat a bit..but then that's my limit. Lunching alone today..actually...lunching itself...brings back traces of you..even at work..i avoid looking at the phone unnecessarily..as i know "110" will nvr intercom my fon again..even if it does..it's not YOU... i don't know how to survive now..only way..is for me to think of you only once in a while..that's all.. but i'll always remember that no matter what...the status may just be a status..but i still wanna wait for you..if you want to dump me in a yr's time..i gotta accept right? But till then...i'm yours as much as you're mine... MY HEART IS NUMB.
I've so much in my mind..but you ain't here to listen. I miss you... i really do... do you miss me as much? Which is why..till then...in a year's time..will i then mumble at you...and ask you as much qns as i want. argg! you know what...i don't know what;s going on! but i miss my own smiles and laughters...i'm so sick of being down. do you even know how sick i am now?!!! YOU AIN'T HERE FOR ME! So till..you're back..i'll be me...own by you...but im still me.. i'll behave for sure... till then.. IF i have to break down ever again..it will be the day you decide to dump me in a yr..kay.. I don't know what's your situation now... i don't know...but one thing for sure..i knw you're numb too.. cause if you all emo..you'll go crazy..so don;t..numb yourself till next yr kay..
I need a friend right now... i need yall so bad. I don't wanna see any of you get hurt, cause i'll get twice as mad than usual. and i mean it this time. I'm trying to fix every broken friendship i have..i wanna get it right... if any assholes or idiots come near my friends with intention of fooling around.. i'll be there..i'll be around to crush you.
i'm soo...i've reach the pt where no words will decribe how i feel..and what's inside of me..
i'm guilty towards you...i wanna make things right..not in having what we had..but a friend...a real friend...let me in pls..
I'm frigging lost now. Shucks. Sucks. Don't be in my shoes.
Signing off,
Nur Hida Sulaiman
