Dear,
It's Day 7... how am i surviving? Like that... I don't know how long i can do this...when can i actually have news of you? i feel like giving up.... I'm so hurt, i'm hurt by the fact that you're not here when i need you too... I told you i will need words of motivation from you yourself. If not i don't know what i'll do. Even if i fall sick will you fly to me? Though i know you can't. You know how much it hurts to stand alone. I know i may be selfish only thinking of myself. Probably you're hurting too...or probably you're way too numb there. If you are completely numb, good for you. You don't feel the same pain as i do. I lost my capability to be numb. Today again, mummy cook your favorite. "Ayam Lemak"... I've no appetite, none at all. Anyway Dear, today one of your customer called...think only wanted a quotation, she wanted go Redang...i don't know how to quote redang..i tried..to quote..but i still not sure..going to ask jiejie before getting back to her tomorrow. .. You only left a note teaching me how to quote Bintan..not Redang... I've so much to ask and tell you, but do you actually care? When ....when...? I refuse to suffer, but at the same time..i'm not able to make myself happy. I'm reaching the point when i'm not gonna care at all. A point when whatever happens..happens. I don't give a shit no more. How long can i go emo? I've no idea...emo ain't me. I just need news from you please. Are you willing to let me go even though i'm not? Going nuts. Literally am.
Time was a friend today. Thank god, alhamdullilah i've had a good day, and i hope for better ones coming. I hope work will be more smooth for me.. i may complaint a lot...but i'm still thankful for my life.. i'll my very best to no longer hurt anyone..
Random thought for me...how is that..when i've got something good..i fail to treasure it...i want more... and when i got more even though i know it's for a short while..all i want is something simple.
I love to hurt myself? maybe? i don't deserve happiness? maybe? i cause my own misery...
Signing off,
Nur Hida Sulaiman
